Ramana's Musings

That is a refrigerator that works without electricity. It is a solution for many villages without electricity, but where something to keep things safe a for a few days can make for a lot of convenience.

That is Mansukhbhai Prajapathi, a potter by profession who has brought smiles on a lot of faces. The refrigerator shown above is made from clay. Mansukhbhai has a lot of other gadgets like water filter, pressure cooker etc in his range of products made from clay and all of which need no electricity.

You can read all about him in this news item from Rediff Business.

Tags: Indian entrepreneur, Mansukhbhai Prajapathi, Potter, Refrigerator without electricity

I hope that you enjoy reading another post of the Friday Loose Bloggers’ Consortium when eleven of us post on the same topic chosen by one of us. Today’s topic has been chosen by Gaelikaa.

Please do visit Ashok, Conrad, Grannymar, Magpie11, Maria, Gaelikaa, Helen, Judy, Anu and Ginger to see ten other views on the same topic. Some of these bloggers may be preoccupied with vacations, examinations, family problems and/or romance, so be a little indulgent in case they do not post or post late.

As I write this, my father is sitting on his rocking chair, completely lost in a book and since he is hard of hearing, nothing disturbs him from that passionate pastime. Reading and his daily dose of watching television for two to three hours every evening, is more or less his raison d’être.

My raison d’être differs slightly in that instead of the television, I have blogging and crossword puzzles, but both take lesser importance to my passion for books and reading in general. My three siblings too are huge readers as was our late mother. So, I can safely blame my genes for my spending a lot of money on books that would have otherwise gone into my son’s inheritance.

From childhood, my siblings and I were encouraged to read and in any case, the entertainment that is now available was not available then, and one had to read to keep oneself occupied. I also traveled a great deal in my working life, and books were my companions bought at airport and railway shops all over India and some parts of the UK and Europe. Since I retired from active service, I have become a compulsive book buyer and I am not complaining!

Apart from purchasing books, which is something that I started much later in life, I depended on many lending libraries but, of late, libraries are few and far between and it is difficult to keep going to them to borrow forcing me to buy the books that I wish to read.

My home is full of books. They are everywhere. Their alloted place at the library which is over flowing, on the side shelves in the bedrooms, on either side of the pillows I sleep on, next to my favourite chair, next to where I sit and solve crossword puzzles and also in the sideboard near the dining table. Here is the library from which I have removed some books to show that the books are shelved three deep with a kind of mezzanine arrangement at the back.

I however know where I can locate any book that I want without too much searching. Occasionally I need help from my son, whose friends keep disturbing the arrangements in the library.

At any given time I read three books simultaneously, unless I am totally engrossed in one. Sometimes, it does happen that one book will keep me fully engaged but it is rare.

I need to read each book at least twice. I rarely read fiction and the matters that interest me are usually heavy stuff and it takes at least two readings to understand them.

I seldom go to a bookshop to buy books. I mostly buy them online as I find this convenient and economical too. Reviews normally influence my purchases as well as some reference to a book in some other book that I happen to be reading. Lest I forget, I immediately go online to purchase such books. For instance, the latest book that I have ordered for is “The Art Of Choosing” by Sheena Iyengar.. I heard Sheena Iyengar on Video from a TED talk. No sooner I finished listening to her, I went to my favourite online bookshop and ordered the book. I have just begun to read it.

As an interesting aside, I request my readers to learn something about Sheena Iyengar who is blind, and also listen to her talk, both for which I have provided links above. She is a fascinating personality who handles her disability with panache and one can’t help admire her.

Tags: Books, Library, Online book shops, Sheena Iyengar, TED

Judgement is a word that I came across for the first time in school when I was 12 years old. I was in a Christian Mission School, and in assembly “judgement day’ was often used. I did not understand the significance, nor I believe, most of the other students there. Perhaps, some of the older Christian students did, but since they were so few, that amongst the others, this was a mysterious aspect of our education, which was kept aside to be faced when the time came, like some mathematical problems that were put aside till examination time came around.

An area, where today, the word is bandied about like rice and curry, sports, the umpire’s or referee’s decision was accepted in toto and no one questioned whether the judgement was right or wrong. There were no disputes from either side.

Things have now changed, and with electronic media covering every second of them, with instant and slow motion replays possible, umpires and referees are having a rough time as one could have seen in the recent wold cup football tournament and many cricket matches. Human fallibility is no longer acceptable and careers can be terminated by wrong judgment.

In real life, one exercises judgment to choose between various choices. Fair enough. Very necessary in our modern complex world. But something funny happens with experience of such exercising of judgments. One turns judgmental and opinionated and life gets to be very unsatisfactory for such people. Prejudices and stereotyping replaces curiosity and a willingness to experience new things and relationships.

I am rarely judgmental and prefer to classify as different rather than better or worse, and this naturally endowed trait has enabled me to enjoy a great variety of experiences in relationships, food, modes of transport, music, books and all forms of entertainment. This sense has enabled me to live a life that has been rich and full and very satisfying and I rarely complain of ‘my lot’.

On the other hand, I have in my life a number of people who are highly judgmental and opinionated and it is sad to see them deny themselves the joy of experiencing variety and diversity. Sadder is their inability to change themselves. This is particularly so in the case of food where hilarious situations can be experienced. For instance, a friend of mine recently was entertained to a lunch at the most famous Lebanese restaurant in Pune. In describing his experience, he was comparing the food with, what he eats at home every day, traditional Indian fare, and complained that it was a total waste of money. I have made a note, not to waste my money treating him to such exotic food in the future. Lesson learnt, but he is different, not better or worse than any of my other friends, and I accept his friendship despite his inability to enjoy variety.

Another insufferable trait of such people is their ardent desire to convert others to their opinions and the amount of effort they put into achieving this. I tend to be flippant around such people and it only infuriates them and they try all the harder to justify and convert my thinking. Pathetic. For me, this behaviour is different, and I accept it for it is worth and modify my behaviour to the extent possible to maintain the relationships.

Let me conclude with a quote which is remarkable by any standard. “Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.” – Albert Einstein.

I hope that you enjoyed reading another post of the Friday Loose Bloggers’ Consortium when eleven of us post on the same topic chosen by one of us. Today’s topic has been chosen by yours truly.

Please do visit Ashok, Conrad, Grannymar, Magpie11, Maria, Gaelikaa, Helen, Judy, Anu and Ginger to see ten other views on the same topic. Some of these bloggers may be preoccupied with vacations, examinations, family problems and/or romance, so be a little indulgent in case they do not post or post late.

Tags: judgement, Opinions

“We happily accumulate possessions and happily give them away. It is only possessing them that gives no happiness.”
- Robert Brault.

It is one more coincidence that this topic has been suggested at this time. For the past ten days or so, my home has been undergoing a cleaning up process, which is not yet complete.

I was full time cook and dishwasher for three days, which started the process of discarding useless stuff. There were unused vessels, utensils, containers, scrubbers, ladles and so on and I had a merry time throwing them all away and cleaning up the kitchen to a functional, and simple place to work in. As I write this, the kitchen is minus some vessels, bins and utensils that should total to about 50 Kgs.

This led to the investigation of various other stored stuff and all those are also in the process of being sent for recycling or donated to someone who can use them.

The next in line will be some of my books which have to go to make room for new ones that seem to appear at regular intervals. Finally, the last ones that will have to go and which will give me much regret will be my suits and other formal clothes that I have not worn for the past three years.

In this process, I have understood that, what Magpie calls the inessential things in our life, seem to take up more space in my life than essentials. Robert Brault’s quote at the beginning of this post is apt indeed.

Henceforth, I am determined that for any thing new to come in, something else has to go out. I think that it is the only way to keep the home clutter free and easy to maintain.

I hope that you enjoyed reading another post of the Friday Loose Bloggers’ Consortium when eleven of us post on the same topic chosen by one of us. Today’s topic has been chosen by Magpie.

Please do visit Ashok, Conrad, Grannymar, Magpie11, Maria, Gaelikaa, Helen, Judy, Anu and Ginger to see ten other views on the same topic. Some of these bloggers may be preoccupied with vacations, examinations, family problems and/or romance, so be a little indulgent in case they do not post or post late.

Tags: Inessentials, Possessions, Recycling, Simplifying life

My regular readers know that I am not a great fan of the current crop of MBAs, that is being churned out by assembly line fashion by purely commercial organizations for profit. Most of them end up as unemployable in India and start at Sales Representative or Call Center Service Representative, which they could have easily done without the MBA anyway.

I have no quarrel with the recognized leading institutions which churn out great graduates who find great jobs. I wish them all the luck.

Jean, before you tear me to pieces, please read till the end.

I would simply like all of them, whether in India, or in the West to read this new book that has been written by two graduating MBAs from the Mecca of Management education, Harvard. It has a nice title to say the least: “The MBA Oath: Setting a Higher Standard for Business Leaders.”

Not bad, there seems to be some conscience somewhere.

STOP PRESS:

There seems to be some mysterious force working out there. I post about something and next day, something else pops up about the same subject. Here, my post has been up for about a couple of hours and I come across this article in the Economist!

Tags: Harvard Business School, MBAs, Promise Keepers, The MBA Oath: Setting a Higher Standard for Business Leaders

RSVP – “Répondez s’il vous plaît” “Please Respond”, in English, is a graceful way of requesting people to respond to invitations to confirm acceptance or regrets to the event for which the guest has been invited.

I have used RSVP on many invitations and have experienced frustration with people not responding. I respond to RSVP requests without fail as I know how important it is to the host to know whether one is attending or not. Recently, I had to attend two lunches which kept getting postponed due to some reason or the other and finally both materialized after much toing and froing on the phone. The point however was that there was communication from both sides till the events took place and the hosts were not inconvenienced or out of pocket.

I also know of a recent case where expected number of people did not attend a function as the response for the RSVP request was minimal. The host rued the waste and almost wept when the final bill was presented.

And suddenly, as it keeps happening in my life over and over again another agonized soul has written about it and it is worth a read. I like his idea to change the system.

Have you had frustrating experiences with the RSVP? Do you think that we should change over to RVOM?

Tags: Bad Manners, Disappointment, RSVP, RVOM {Répondez Vite — ou Mourir!}

My blog friend Conrad led me to his friend G L Hoffman and his blog ‘What Would Dad Say.” One of GL’s posts was an interview with his friend and author Gary B Cohen. I was very impressed with the interview, and via the comment columns established a bit of a relationship with Gary.

In those exchanges, I had promised Gary that I would get a copy of the book no sooner the Indian edition came out, and after five months, I did.

The book is named, ‘Just Ask Leadership’ and makes fascinating reading. While it is primarily aimed at Managers, I found it interesting purely from the effective idea generation aspects of what Gary writes about. Combined with what I learnt about the story behind the adventure that Gary had in getting the book published and his own personal story, the book has had a tremendous impact on my understanding of the process of communicating and generating ideas.

I could not but help go down memory lane with some things in the book triggering off old incidents in my Management days, but more to the point is how relevant the book is even now for me.

I am taking this opportunity to recommend this book to those who are interested in effective interpersoanal relationships and also to impress on my readers my other fascination about connections. Just see from where I went to where and where I have landed now! Amazing is it not?

Tags: Connections, G L Hoffman, Gary B Cohen, Jerry Davich, Just Ask Leadership

This post has been in the making for some time and finally was triggered by a recent exchange of mails between me and a very perceptive and dear friend. I hope that this is the catharsis that will bring about some badly needed change.

A little background. My friend had been hard of hearing for many years and only about a year ago was fitted with hearing aids after a successful surgery for cochlear transplant. The two of us meet infrequently but exchange mails and SMS messages often.

The exchange was triggered off by a reference to a book by my friend who wanted me to check out and if found interesting enough to buy it. I checked it out, found it not up to my current levels of interest in the subject of social psychology, and advised him about it. That led to another set of exchanges, starting with this:

“Rather surprised. The impression I took away from my last visit to you was of someone increasingly impatient with appearances. On the other hand your blog suggests that the Tambram in you wont go without a Nobel. Perhaps the breaks that arise so subtly in our dialogue are due to this. (Tambram is short for Tamil Brahmin, the community to which I belong. For a great write up on the community, you can read a literary icon of India, Kushwant Singh here.) My friend suggests that despite many dissimilarities with the stereotype, my innate Tambram qualities come out unexpectedly and with some impact on the immediate neighborhood!

“The dialogue that I refer to is with with one of the many yous. The you on the gaddi ( Gaddi is the ceremonial chair that Gurus sit on.) at the moment is said to be the Sage of Kalyaninagar but I have a feeling that he has been installed there by a you that’s in rebellion against another you. You’re quite a complicated guy!” ( I live in Kalyani Nagar, a suburb of Pune, and my friend lives in St. Patrick’s Town, another suburb, about fifteen Kms away)

I responded with this message:

“I yield to the sage of St. Patrick’s Town. I am complicated only to those who try to find hidden agendas in me! I simply do not have any. I wear my heart on my sleeve as it were! This being so unusual that people tend to find me a very complicated fellow!”

This led to some more exchanges which are not relevant to this topic, but ended with this message:

“My mistake, incurred in the course of conversations in the pre-cochlear days. Reinforced by the evidence of Tambram irregularities. Seriously speaking though, you do appear to be groping your way through some inarticulate crisis. Obviously something to do with your wife’s demise but more than that at the same time.”

The last paragraph is very perceptive of my friend. I have been noticing a tendency to be short tempered and easily annoyed in the recent past. Today, at lunch, an innocuous statement by my father sent me off into orbit and it took me some time to cool down and get back to my normal self.

Some post lunch meditation and introspection helped me to identify the problem of a simmering “Why me-itis”. I have now been a caregiver for nine years and perhaps it is natural to want out. After my wife’s passing away in March, I have been focused on looking after my father and perhaps have over done that. Yet, present compulsions prevent any drastic decisions towards achieving that status of wanting out. This is the possible reason for the “inarticulate crisis”. I am not a psychologist, but this makes sense to me. Between my father and me, “Status Anxiety”, each coming from Head of the Household positions into a unavoidable yet a new equation is upsetting to both. This in turn is perhaps making me appear as I do to my friend.

I need to work on that understanding a bit, lest I end up being a care receiver instead of a care giver. This possibility was advised to me by my late wife’s Cardiologist who warned me to live my life too. I have not been doing that the way I can, and I think that I should now change.

I wonder if I will be nominated for the Nobel for introspection and blogging about it! The Tambram in me will then be satiated.

Tags: Appearances, Caregiving, Catharsis, Tambrams

Another Friday, and the consortium is back in business. For those readers who are mystified, please visit Grannymar, Conrad and Ashok for simultaneously published posts on the same subject.

Communication is the process of establishing a connection between two or more entities using words or signs using a variety of means. It has a great deal in common with the word communion. Common unity on a particular subject, value or idea. Communication is the process of establishing that.

Till I went to Business school, I did not realize the seriousness of the word as I had the “gift of the gab” and was a reasonably successful salesman/supervisor/human being. I did not need formal theoretical explanation for something that was already happening. The thought never crossed my mind.

In Business School, in the very first semester we had to compulsorily take a course called Written Analysis of Cases (WAC). It should not take a great deal of imagination to know what the students called the course! The lady Professor who taught the course was every student’s fantasy come true! So, we paid a great deal of attention to what she taught us and till today, I give credit for my writing ability, for what it is worth, to that lady.

In the process of teaching us how to write, she also introduced us to the concept of ‘Communication’ as a subject by itself. Subsequently of course it was a tool to use to assess abilities of people and to spend time being an effective communicator etc.

Like most people, I flatter myself that I am a good verbal communicator. What I mean is that, I go looking for captive audiences where I can hold forth on whatever takes my fancy. The trick is in finding that elusive audience. With experience, most people in my circle of friends and relatives, find ingenious ways of avoiding me. It is that singular lack in my life that prompted me to take up to blogging. Here too, I find that though I pontificate, some posts get a great deal of comments and some fall flat. It is however a learning experience and I am enjoying that.

I was once told by a Facilitator in a workshop on Effective Communication that my physique and the tone of my voice was very intimidating and strangers would feel hesitant to establish two way communications with me. I took him up on this and took him out of the hall where the workshop was being held into the lobby of the hotel. I walked directly up to the first person sitting on a sofa and extended my hand and introduced myself and asked him what he thought of my approach. He stuttered and stammered and said that he felt intimidated. That was my moment of epiphany. It was then that I realized why my employers had sent me to the work shop in the first place!

So, I had to reinvent myself and learn to moderate my body language, tone and bearing to be more effective in my verbal communications. The point of sharing this story is that there are many improbables in the art of communication and most of us do need some training to be more effective than we are.

I came home after that workshop and shared this incident with Urmeela and she asked “Have you noticed, I don’t criticize you any more?” I answered, in all honesty, “No, I have not.” And she continued – “Of course not, you never do!” I was completely taken aback and sat down and for the first time in perhaps twenty odd years of being married to her, discussed my behaviour with her and her impression on my communication skills with her and others. It is a measure of the kind of marriage that we had that we could have this conversation and I could learn a great deal from it.

Malcolm Gladwell in his fantastic book “Blink” talks about psychologist John Gottman who has spent a life time studying behavior patterns that establish whether effective communication between married people takes place or not and has developed an instinct for identifying marriages that are doomed to fail. He has narrowed down to four, from many traits that lead to ineffective communication taking place between husband and wife. He calls them the four horsemen! They are Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Criticism and Contempt. In fact, he identifies the last, Contempt as the most important factor leading to breakdown in communication and subsequent failure of the union itself.

When I read this, I was amazed at how true it is that these factors play a vital role in determining one’s own communication skills even outside the institution of marriage. If we can consciously observe our own action/reaction in any communication to identify if the inner emotion is any one of the factors, we can take corrective steps to ensure that we overcome this, what Gottman calls negative emotion override, by a positive one. Similarly, when we are at the receiving end, we can take such steps as necessary to identify the negative emotion overdrive, and react in such a way to make it a positive one.

Since reading the book three years ago, I have consciously tried to do that, and on many occasions have succeeded in turning around very nasty situations within the family and among friends. In the recent past, since my father moved in with me, it has been a great tool to identify my own negative emotion overdrives and to ease the inevitable tension that his presence and behavior has on my equilibrium. The root cause is the fact that he is the father. He expects to exercise power and control over me. Depending on the particular situation, I used to through one or more of the four horsemen without fail and have now learnt to identify such reaction and handle it to ensure that I do not tie myself into knots. A kind of communication with myself as it were. Which brings me to that wonderful phenomenon of communicating with oneself, as being of vital importance in retaining one’s sanity in troubling situations. This is an aspect of communication that does not receive the attention that it deserves and with this post, I hope to impress on my readers the importance of that.

If we can keep an open mind, we can learn many things from our near and dear ones and become more effective in our communications. What prevents that from happening however, is that we are so full of ourselves, at least I was then, that we think that we are God’s gift to mankind and we do not need to change our ways. I used to feel like that and occasionally do so even now.

From all that formal and informal training the one thing that I learnt is that to be a good communicator, one needs to take in more than giving out. Listening more than speaking, asking questions, seeking clarification and simply paying attention, makes one a great communicator than the opposite of all that I have written here. Difficult, but with conscious practice, possible to achieve.

Before my audience gets bored with my communication today, let me sign off with a fantastic statement from a fellow Senior Citizen. What great communication!

Tags: Communication

Grannymar graciously allowed me to choose this Friday’s topic. Truth be told, I did not choose the topic, the topic chose me. At the end of this post, you will see why.

A joke to start off. A young widow gets remarried and is worried about the health of her couch potato second husband. She sees him lazing around and tells him that he needs a hobby. He replies “I already have one, I collect rich widows.” The wife responds, “Wow for coincidences, I collect dead husbands.”

I am kind of a couch potato though I spend more time on crossword puzzles and at the computer than the run of the mill couch potato does.

Bear with me this rather long post. This is a true story and at the end of it, you may well conclude with me that ‘Ambition’ too, is just an overrated trait.

The dictionary defines ‘ambition’ as:
1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment:
2. the object, state, or result desired or sought after:
3. desire for work or activity; energy.

I am and have always been totally without ambition of the first and last categories. All I wanted to do was to earn a livelihood, enjoy myself and be happy. It was enough that I should be independent and have enough money in my pocket for my indulgences. If I could havepossibly achieved that without doing any ‘work’, I would have been the happiest fellow on earth.

I had reached the level of achievement that I wanted, when I was about 18.

I had just secured an honorable ‘second class’ Intermediate qualification. I had done this, by what is now known as ‘distance education’. Those days, it was called, ‘Private Studies’. In our system those days, it was the first hurdle to cross after schooling, if one wanted to go to a college to study further to acquire a bachelor’s degree. I had joined a ‘Tutorial College’, euphemism for an education shop, so that I could spend time with a lady acquaintance who wanted to study, of all things! Quite how I managed to get that qualification is a mystery to me till today.

Since prior to that significant achievement, I had no ambition and was considered to be a good for nothing, this came as a surprise to many and my father in fact, refused to believe that I had achieved this! My mother used all her persuasive charm to cajole me into getting myself a Bachelor’s degree by once again the distance learning route. To keep her out of my hair, I registered for a Bachelor’s degree in Arts. Lo and behold, I once again surprised myself and a whole lot of others by succeeding in getting that degree too! I still do not know how I managed to do so. I am not being facetious. That is the truth.

This time, my father was a bit more careful and waited till proof of some sort was given to him by my mother. That she did in due course, and he was surprised out of his wits. I suspect however, that he was mightily pleased too.

While all this was going on, I was quite content with what little I was earning and quite happy doing all the things that bachelors with some money in their pocket do. I however was shanghaied once again by my mother, into applying for admission into a Post Graduate Course in Business Management. I did so, on the assumption that I will not get selected. I still do not know how, but the selectors, took a shine to me, and gave me admission. Doing this course however meant that I had to go to a residential program for two years and study! I had no inclination whatsoever to do that.

Fate however had other ideas. A lady friend of mine wanted to get married to me, and I was not in any mood to. Things became a bit sticky and I had to leave the town that I was living in for obvious reasons. The admission that I had secured came in handy. I exploited that and scooted off!

Quite how I managed to get my MBA too, is still a mystery. Here too a lot of factors helped like, I could type reports and papers for other classmates and make some pocket money and stay alive. Commissions earned from earlier sales made, kept trickling in. Some kind hearted Professors took pity on me and tutored me so that I could keep my head above water. Somehow, I managed to last the course and get the much vaunted MBA. One significant change that happened after that event is that, since then, my father adds B.A, MBA, after my name in all communications to and about me. My nephews and nieces call me Bamba! What knowledge I have about Management, was taught to me by life and employment.

I applied for openings through campus recruitment, and once again, one prestigious employment as a Management Trainee landed on my lap. I still do not know what the selectors saw in me. The rest, as they say is history.

I surprised myself and once again, a lot of others, and I grew. One particularly vicious Senior Manager who had to leave the company, aptly called my growth as being the result of “lack of alternatives!” Very likely.

That start in 1967 made me what I am today. A retired hippy, content to live off a pension and savings. I am still not ambitious. I do not have any lady acquaintances to goad me into new adventures.

I quote Gregory Vlastos – “We have tried the ways of ambition, of self-aggrandizement, of aggressive opportunism, and we have seen the kind of flimsy success to which they lead; we have tasted the bitter poisons they generate, we have known the conflict, the disgust, the inner division, the outer isolation that follow in their wake”.

I would just replace one word in that wonderful quote. I would change the third word of the beginning to “seen”. I did not try. The whole thing just landed in my lap. I just flowed along the stream of life. Serendipity?

By and large, life has been good to me and continues to be. I am wiser by hindsight. Now you know the inspiration for my tag line.

What has ambition got to do with it? Like the picture of Michael Speller’s sculpture above, it is by and large, a ladder without a top rung!

Tags: Ambition, Seredipity