Ramana's Musings

A fellow alumnus from the Business School from which I graduated decades ago, is setting out on an adventure – A world tour on a bicycle. Siddhartha Priya is a young man with stars in his eyes. An idealist in an age of cynicism. I find his enthusiasm infectious and would like to introduce him to my readers.

Apart from being a fellow alumnus, he is also from Bihar, the land to which I owe a great deal for having enabled me to graduate from a university there, giving me a couple of lifelong friends and which brings back many happy memories, whenever it is mentioned.

I believe that the meaning of the name Siddhartha Priya, will be in order here. My readers will of course be familiar with Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha. The word Siddhartha is a compound consisting of two Sanskrit words, Siddha and Artha. Siddha means perfection. Artha has two meanings, one is wealth and the other is meaning. In this context of a proper name, Siddhartha would indicate one who is wealthy in perfection.

Priya is the second name of my young friend. This means beloved.

So, the full name will mean “The beloved of Siddhartha, or the beloved of the fully Perfect One (The Buddha). It could also mean, depending on who is talking, one who loves the Perfect One. I leave it to my readers to decide which one is apt for the young man. Indian names can be loaded!

Young Siddhartha has put up a blog site called World Tour on Bicycle and I would appreciate my readers visiting the site and extending encouragement of whatever kind that they can to this idealistic young man. Thank you.

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Tags: Bicycle, Bihar, Buddha, Gautama, Priya, Siddhartha, World tour

One of the definitions of love that has always made sense to me is by M. Scot Peck. “Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.” In my great big love affair that lasted forty plus years, this was the driving force right from the word go, as all my readers know.

I am also quite cynical about the very haphazard use of the word and keep looking for weird uses and some such uses have also been written about by me in some of my earlier posts. Like, I love hot dogs, or I love to smoke etc.

So, when the topic of love handled by a Biological Anthropologist, Helen Fisher came to my notice, I sat up and listened. In a fascinating lecture with TED, she takes one on a journey of discovery. Some of the statements that she makes might just tickle your curiosity enough to want to listen to her are given below.

“Love is not an emotion, it is a mechanical drive in the brain.”

“Human beings have learnt to tolerate the other individual long enough to reproduce.”

“Women entering the job market is going back to ancient times. 80% of the food for the day was brought home by the women in the times long past..We are simply moving forward to the past.”

“There are significant gender differences in the brains of men and women. Women and men are like two feet, needing each other to move.”

“There are more male geniuses in the world, but there are also more male idiots in the world.”

“Lust, romantic love and attachment can go together and/or exist simultaneously with others. In other words, one can love more than one person at the same time.”

“We are not animals made to be happy but to reproduce but we can develop serious attachments.”

Her considerable worry about the increasing use of antidepressants is worth listening to by itself. She concludes that particular subject with, “a world without love is a deadly place”.

I hope that I have primed you enough. Let me not keep you waiting. You can listen to her at TED.

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Tags: Anitdepressants, Attachment, Gender differences, Love, Lust, Reproduction, Women in the workforce

There is a saying in India that unless one empties one’s cash box, there will be no room for fresh cash to come in. I normally extend this to suit the occasion and say something like for the pocket to be replenished, it must keep getting emptied, or instead of the ‘pocket’, I would use ‘wallet’.

Recently, when reading a post by Maria the Silver Fox, I had commented that more difficult than giving is receiving with grace and gratitude. I suppose that, that is a topic worth a separate post in itself but I need to mention it here as I find it extremely difficult to write about giving without writing about receiving. This is because; I have been at the receiving end almost all my life and hardly ever been on the giving end.

It is said by many sages that it is by giving that one receives. To the best of my recollection, bar an occasional lapse or two, I have never been at the giving end but almost always at the receiving end. I suppose that I am the exception that proves the rule.

To start from my childhood, I received a great deal of love and all that it entails. As I started getting to be older, the story changed, I started receiving a great deal of punishment and scolding from my parents, teachers and other parent figures, though I suppose that all that was given to make me capable of receiving much worse in my adulthood. During childhood however, that kind receiving makes for a different perceptive. So, logically, since I had received so much of punishment and scolding, I should have been giving the same to my child or other younger children. This simply did not happen, as I am such a softy and a clown that it is beyond me to do that to a child.

Fast forward to employment and here again, I received a great deal of firing and punishments as a subordinate, but was simply incapable of giving the same to my subordinates when I moved into superior positions. Some mechanism in my psyche would appear to have been malfunctioning or totally absent. So, I ended up receiving more from the top about my lack of firmness. Something funny however happened here. I started receiving a great deal of support and cooperation and good performances from the crowd still working below me in the hierarchy and this was something that the top could not reconcile with their assessment of my softness or lack of hardness or whatever. I was therefore at both the receiving ends, one on a positive note and the other on the negative. I suppose that I was simply giving a lot of something that was working, without knowing that it was what was happening! This paradox continued till I finally retired from active employment and as I look back to that period of my life, I can’t but wonder as to what I gave against what I received and on balance it appeared that I received much more than I gave. So, one way or the other the adage proved to be true.

Materially, there is little that I can now give as the opportunities simply do not present themselves to me. I suppose that I can go looking for them, but I am not made that way. I am just too lazy. Other forms of giving, particularly of myself and my time, keeps happening as a matter of routine and I do not even think about those things as giving. It is just part of life. I however continue to get a lot of non material things from many sources, the main among them being the blogworld in which I have made such wonderful friends during the last year and a half or so. Without exception, I get a lot of indulgence and affection, even when I rib someone. So, I think that the adage works on this score too. On the other hand, when I read stories like this, I wonder if I would ever be able to live like that!

As I was giving the finishing touches to this post, I came across another very interesting article on ‘giving’, due to it being the season for giving. Please do give some time and read. I wish that I could have thought of that approach to the subject!

The principle of the balance, the yin and the yang, action and reaction et al suggests that a balanced life is what we need. But this is the greatest struggle of our lives, striking a balance. In the case of giving however, the balance is always in our favour when we give. We receive much more than we give.

Moral of the story – Give a little, but give. You will get a great deal more in return. That is the law of nature. The Sage has spoken. Now let us see what wisdom the OGO will come up with.

This post is the Loose Consortium Bloggers’ Friday post when Ashok, Conrad, Grannymar, Magpie11, Maria, Gaelikaa, Helen, Judy, Anu and Ginger write on the same topic. Please do visit the other blogs to taste the different flavours. Some of these bloggers may be preoccupied with Christmas so be a little indulgent in case they do not post or post late.

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I use the word googly quite often in my writings, which is a cricketing term used for a ball bowled by a bowler that turns the wrong way from the direction that the batsman expects. This is something like a curve ball or a dipper in baseball. Rajan Phanse is a Cricket Crazy follower of the game and has just bowled a googly.

Rajan Phanse has been a very dear friend and business associate for about a decade. He was one of Urmeela’s favourites too and the reason for that was that he used to call her his Julia Roberts. He is a charming, simple and generous fellow who wears his heart on his sleeves. I consider it a privilege to count him among my friends, as I am sure he does me.

Rajan has had a very eventful life and has seen a great deal of set backs and problems and has fought his way up from what I call, the bottom of the pits. Though he does not appear to be so, he is a fighter and his story written about in The Telegraph is proof of that quality.

All the characters mentioned in the story, Prithviraj, another fighter who has fought his way up from great troubles, Sangeetha, a remarkable woman and a loving sister to Rajan and Rajan’s mother, are all known to me and are almost like family.

Rajan was diagnosed as suffering from Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia in September 2002 and has fought that battle, the intensity of which is known only to very few people as he is not the type to talk about himself much. He is now in remission and has just come out of another battle, which is what the newspaper article is all about.

The purpose of writing this story as a post in my blog is to eat my words that I had written in my post “Euthanasia”.

Raja, it is nice to be your friend and thank you for teaching me a lesson which I will not forget in a hurry.

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Tags: Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia, Circket, CML, Euthanasia, Fighting spirit, Googly

“Don’t just think about your meals as a succession of one-night stands. You’re in it for life. You’re here today and tomorrow, and all of next week, so you might as well get your head around basic planning.”

That got my attention alright. My blog friend Lily writes a great blog, and that is how she started a post on cooking.

Just look at that imagery. It takes some chutzpah to start a blog post like that, but Lily is not an ordinary blogger. She is Irish and she is from, hold your breath, Limerick.

But all my admiration for her chutzpah evaporated when I read the rest of the story. Like I am now doing, she too hijacked an article from the Irish Tribune. Now there is chutzpah at its best.

The article “Recipe For Life” starts – “CRUSADING COOKING : Fast food doesn’t have to mean bad food, according to Allegra McEvedy, who, in keeping with her joyously irreverent character, was ‘bollock naked’ when she received notification of her MBE, she tells Louise East”

Chutzpah at its best, for Louise East and the subject Allegra McEvedy.

Lily I thank you for introducing me to these two ladies. As a gift to you, I give this little picture for you.

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I came across a very interesting piece of news about punishment meted out to a couple of Pakistanis by their court.

I for one, approve this kind of punishment. I also favour castration as a punishment for rapists and women and child abusers.

I however seem to be in the minority and very few people support me. I can not figure out why they should be like that.

I request any reader who disagrees with me to explain to me why.

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I take my readers to my blog post My Friends Are Convinced That I Am Over The Hill.

Finally, Grannymar, who was so nice with her comment there with “Ramana if you are over the hill worry not, we are all here already to welcome you!:D”, has decided that I am after all, over the hill and that there is some plain speaking needed.

In correspondence on another matter, she sent me this very encouraging message.

“Excuse me Mister Ramana Sir! We are ALL younger than you and expect you to lead by example. If however that means getting out of my scratcher at 5 a m to contemplate my navel…. there isn’t a hope!”

I am quoting out of context, but I am sure that all of you get the general drift. Be warned that if you accept my leadership, you will be expected to contemplate your navel at some ungodly hour in the mornings.

Some of you are new to my blog, and so, let me give you some background to the “Mister Ramana Sir.” That too is based on another post that I had written about politeness. You can read all about it here.

It will be of great interest to my newer readers to read all the comments on those two posts which should ideally precede reading the next link that I shall give you.

The Economist has this wonderful article “Politeness: Hi there” which has an interesting passage – “……..what seems to be happening is that formal politeness, at least in spoken and written exchanges, is on the decline, thanks to globalisation (meaning the rise of flat, nuance-less English as a means of international communication), to social changes and to technology. Replacing it is a kind of neutral friendliness, where human encounters take place devoid of the signifiers of emotional and status differences that past generations found so essential.”

This is an interesting observation and one that I am now grappling with Gaelikaa who used to call me Ramanaji, a very respectful address in our part of the world, then she changed it to Ramana Bhai when she became my Rakhi sister. When I pointed out to her that Bhai is usually used to address underworld dons in my part of our country, she switched to BS, till I pointed out to her that I found it rather amusing. This was something I expected from Bikehikebabe and Gail and not her. She of course clarified immediately, that it was shorthand for Bhai Saheb. That is where it rests now. Bhai being brother and Saheb being Sir. I had teased Ashok that it was good that he did not address me as Sir Ramana, but now eagerly await what Gaelikaa will come out next with. Sir Bhai? That will be a fantastic play with words, in these gloabalized world and would give me a great deal of status in our local society.

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“Favorite people,favorite places,
favorite memories of the past.
These are the joys of a lifetime,
these are the things that last.”
– Henry Van Dyke

A recent event in my life, out of the blue, is the reappearance of Urmeela’s cousin Juno into my life. I have known Juno for as long as I had known Urmeela. Juno emigrated to Europe some decades ago and we have not been touch since then, till we reestablished contact, just a few days ago through the internet. He too blogs and though it is a different kind of blog, I am happy that he too is a blogger.

Juno’s reappearance took me back to the times when his parents were alive and would play host to Urmeela and me. They were the epitome of grace and love for us and would fuss all over us. They lived in an old style Hyderabadi mansion with a central court yard with a fountain in it. Somewhat like this but not quite as elaborate.

I have spent many afternoons there lazying around and being pampered for being the son in law of the house. Later, Juno’s father would insist on taking me to his club on the lake side and sitting on the lawn on cool evenings, to have a few drinks and have some excellent food for which the club was famous. A completely different kind of life style, laid back, relaxed and enjoyable. Nothing like what I see around me now.

‘Times Remembered” happens only when something triggers them off. Juno reappearing in my life triggered off memories of his parents and other matters of times gone by. Similarly, a proud mother, my childhood friend who married another childhood friend, has just sent me information, that her son Vinod, who is the Chair of the Biophysics Dept, at the University of Twente in Enschede in the Netherlands has written an article in a recently published book by the University. The e book that she has sent has a photograph of Vinod in his current avatar. My memory went back to the time when he was a young boy attending school in Delhi and who impressed me, even then, with his remarkable intelligence. That thought led me to remember the times that Vinod’s parents and we had spent together as grown ups as well as when we were children. The memories also took me to the Sashtiapthapoorthi, sixtieth birthday celebrations, of Vinod’s father Ambi, and Vinod’s wedding, both of which, I was privileged to attend. Sadly, my friend Ambi is no more with us and that is a painful memory that this thought process has triggered.

A few days ago, I received a phone call from a strange number and was quite surprised that it was from an old colleague of mine with who I had worked almost twenty years ago.  He and another ex colleague are now with another employer but were going through some old photographs when they came across some of mine at a social occasion.  That triggered their remembrances and they decided to call me and set up a meeting to see how I am.  They in turn triggered off memories of my times with them, that employer, and the great times that we had when Pune, where we live now was a much slower paced and gentle city.

The turning the hourglass is the trigger. This is what makes life such an unpredictable journey.

I get inspired about life in general and mine in particular, by going back often to Viktor Frankl. I quote and I hope that you will get inspired too.

“…..the opportunities to act properly, the potentialities to fulfill a meaning, are affected by the irreversibility of our lives. But also the potentialities alone are so affected. For as soon as we have used an opportunity and have actualized a potential meaning, we have done so once and for all. We have rescued it into the past, nothing is irretrievably lost, but rather, on the contrary, everything is irrevocably stored and treasured. To be sure, people tend to see only the stubble field of transitoriness but overlook and forget the full granaries of the past into which they brought the harvest of their lives: the deeds done, the loves loved, and last but not least, the sufferings they have gone through with courage and dignity.

From this one may see that there is no reason to pity old people. Instead, young people should envy them. It is true that the old have no opportunities, no possibilities in the future. But they have more than that. Instead of possibilities in the future, they have realities in the past – the potentialities that they have actualized, the meanings they have fulfilled, the values they have realized – and nothing and nobody can ever remove these assets from the past.”

Viktor E Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning.

This post is the Loose Consortium Bloggers’ Friday post when Ashok, Conrad, Grannymar, Magpie11, Maria, Gaelikaa, Helen, Judy, Anu and Ginger write on the same topic.  Please do visit the other blogs to taste the different flavours.

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Today’s newspaper frontpages an interesting and very disturbing story.  It is disturbing, because, a human being has been kept alive in a vegetative state by modern medical means. The Times of India and the BBC both have reported about the matter going to our Supreme Court.

What hurts me as an individual is the question the Honourable Justices of the Supreme Court ask – ‘‘Is this plea not akin to euthanasia?’’ The lawyers to the petitioner have answered that question more than admirably, but what intrigues me is the negative connotation given to euthanasia.

This is a hotly debated topic and for those interested, this link gives extensive cover of the material available.

My stand on the issue is clear. I have instructed Ranjan that if I ever am in a condition where I am unable to decide on what needs to be done with me, he should a, see that I do not go into t a hospital, and b, if I am already in a hospital, refuse to accede to requests to put me on a ventilator, or other similar gadgets.

Life with dignity is more important to me than satisfying some emotional hang ups of others. I have asked for the law on euthanasia to be changed whenever I had opportunities to interact with our law makers, but our law makers do not believe that they have been elected to do anything about our laws.

I hope that my stand is controversial enough to generate some lively discussions as I am sure that there must be readers from both sides of the debate. I look forward to some other opinions.

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Tags: Dying in dignity, Euthanasia, Hospitals, Ventilators

An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.” The jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $250,000,” he said.

The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, “By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque clears so I’ll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon,” he said.

On Monday morning, the jeweller ‘phoned the old man and said “Sir, there’s no money in that account.” “I know,” said the old man, “but let me tell you about my weekend!”

I am elderly, what little hair I have on my head and the beard that I keep are both white. That is possibly why my nephew Simon has sent this story to me. He is likely to be disappointed that I never did get an opportunity to do something as dramatic as the guy in the story, which I could reproduce here as part of my eventful past. At my age, it is hard enough to remember things that happened yesterday!

The most recent weekend that I remember very well is the visit last weekend, of my nephew, niece in law, and their two lovely little daughters. One three years old and the other just seven months old. You can see what a weekend I had.

The three young ladies and the inimitable nephew, left me, my father and Ranjan feeling lost for the next three days.  Si, that is how your Periappa spends his week ends when possible.  Saves a lot of money that way!

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Tags: Saving money, Weekend