Not Over Yet.

I hope that you enjoy reading this post on the weekly Friday Loose Bloggers Consortium where eleven of us write on the same topic. Today’s topic has been chosen by Will. The ten other bloggers who write regularly are, in alphabetical order, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, Padmum, Paul, Rohit,Shackman, The Old Fossil and Will. Do drop in on their blogs and see what their take is on this week’s topic. Since some of them may post late, do give some allowance for that too!

I don’t quite know what Will had in mind when he thought up this topic, but for me, it is most certainly not over yet. I doubt very much that it ever will be.

I am talking about a much bandied about word – love. That indescribable emotion that means so many things to so many people and which is used in different contexts to mean different things to different people. I have written about it in some detail in an earlier post. I had concluded that post with a quote from Bill Cosby – “I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who’ve had luck with it, and those who haven’t.”

I am one of those lucky ones. Except that now, it is no longer focused on a physical reality but on an abstract entity called nostalgia. 48 years of a great relationship does not get over because of death.

As I write this post, I am recovering from a very enjoyable lunch with some great company. Two of them had come for the first time to our home and one of them, a lady, saw Urmeela’s photograph on the wall cheerfully looking on at all that was happening in our drawing and dining rooms. She promptly wanted to see some of our old albums and I diplomatically wriggled out of that chore, as I simply did not want to. But that little diversion changed my mood for the rest of the afternoon and it took all my will power to continue being a graceful host. I wanted to spend some time on some diversion and sought the LBC topic for the coming Friday and found synchronicity up to its mischief again.

“An honorable human relationship – that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love” – is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.
It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.
It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity.
It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.”

~ Adrienne Rich

We did. I still do.

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25 Responses to Not Over Yet.

  1. As you know, Andy and I have been married over 48 years. There’s nothing like it.
    Cheerful Monk recently posted..Roadwork

  2. PS I’m sorry you had to lose Urmeela so soon.
    Cheerful Monk recently posted..Roadwork

  3. nick says:

    The phrase “not over yet” makes me think of all those knotty problems in life that you think you’ve solved, only to find the solution rapidly unravelling and the problem reoccurring.
    nick recently posted..Unsung heroes

    • Strangely enough, had it not been for the coincidence of the lady asking for my albums, I would have approached the subject in exactly the way that you have suggested.

  4. Nandu Pillai says:

    Before I read your piece , what sprung to mind when I just read the title , were the famous lines from the film “The Agony and the Ecstasy” : ( Michelangelo painting the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel ) Pope Julius II ( Rex Harrison ) : “When will you make an end ?”
    Michelangelo ( Charlton Heston ) : “When I am finished !” . And then there is the more well known phrase ” It’s not over til the fat lady sings ” ( in the context of an opera ) . But turning to your piece , the phenomenon sadly seems to be getting rarer and rarer these days – one hears of far too many cases of only the acrimony ending when the ink dries on the divorce papers ( perhaps the “coming event casting it’s long shadow” on the pre nuptial agreement itself ! ) . So it is refreshing & a source inspiration to hear of 48 years of clearly a great relationship ( there is a news report today of a couple completing their 80th year of marriage – both aged over or near 100 ! ) . Praveena and I have just completed 37 , so the Ruby has the be provided of for the 40 th , Sapphire for the 45th and …..I haven’t had the courage or the wherewithall to plan for the ones after that … but what’s a stone between friends , when you are having a good time ?! And guess what , ours was an “arranged” marriage ( I think you blogged about that a while ago ) – so “love” came later and has fortuitously stayed – the usual “rows” notwithstanding ! We all do of course have good relationships which are older than the matrimonial ones – with parents , siblings , friends ( some with their cars !! ) and those too can be very special and stand the test of time …and even when the relationship ends with the life of any one , the memory remains and finally when we too are a memory , the story can live on ! So it may not end even when we are “finished” !

  5. Big John says:

    “She who must be obeyed” has been with me for 53 years, and they said that “it wouldn’t last” ! In the words of the old song … “Love is a Many-Splendored Thing”.
    Big John recently posted..“Arise .. Sir Mummy’s Boy” !

    • John, I have noticed that fantastic bond in you from the odd snippets that you have shared and I admire the two of you for it. As Nandu points out in his comment, it is getting to be increasingly rare to come across such long term bonding.

  6. shackman says:

    You chose a specific circumstance and articulated your position well. Knowing you as I have come to and your belief systems your post is exactly what I expected. I wish I had the opportunity to meet Urmeela in the flesh although she has been a delight through your words.

    • You would have fallen in love with her had you met her. I have written elsewhere that all my and Ranjan’s friends and my siblings and their families, did.

      And, I am unable to articulate what I feel about your own “Not Over Yet” situation.

      • shackman says:

        I articulated mine in my blog “Anger” -our circumstances are somewhat dissimilar in this regard

  7. wisewebwoman says:

    Powerful stuff, my friend. Loved every word.

    wisewebwoman recently posted..Just One Housekeeping Rule

  8. Delirious says:

    It’s a wonderful thing to love so much that it hurts when they are gone. Imagine how sad it would be if the opposite were true!
    Delirious recently posted..Limited Internet Access

    • I have experienced that emotion too Delirious. I have told people to rejoice because someone died. That someone was in great discomfort and everyone around him were too. It all depends on the context.

  9. Anita says:

    Love this post

  10. Your love shared with Urmeela is a marvelous thing. I share that with Carol. But, in the terms so beautifully put forth by Adrienne Rich, I think many members of the LBC have developed it with one another, too!
    The Old Fossil recently posted..Not Over Yet

    • Yes, if the marriage survives, it will only because of those give take and share activities, You are also right that the LBC has indeed some very successful long term marriages.

  11. Grannymar says:

    I congratulate you on your forty eight year relationship and marriage to Urmeela, I was not so fortunate having a short twenty years with my soul mate. The bonus for me is that for everyday that Elly walks this earth, I am reminded of her dad, in her positive cheerful disposition and caring ways.
    Grannymar recently posted..Gone to seed

    • You are so right. I see in Ranjan a great deal of his mother. Many other young people, Ranjan’s friends, also mention this. Yes, this is what is being immortal all about.

  12. Such a testament to love. I like it, Ramana. Love does not die when the participants pass on. “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” ~ Thomas Campbell
    Talk to Me…I’m Your Mother recently posted..Seeing You is Joy

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