Marriage, Sugar Daddies, Mommies And Other Possibilities.
By Rummuser. Filed in Humor, People, Uncategorized |Tags: Marriage, Sugar Daddies, Sugar Mommies, Widowers
An interesting title for an article in the New York Times, ‘Keeping Up With Being Kept’, intrigued me and I went to the net edition to read it and found it quite ineteresting. I am sure that this post will receive some interesting comments from some of my stalwart readers!
Before one or more ask me my take on it, let me straight away disabuse any thought of becoming a sugar daddy soon, and also assure my readers, that even in my younger days, I never could have afforded to be one either. And now in my last lap, it is purely of academic interest.
I however come from a background, where many elders of the community established their status within the community by the number of mistresses that they kept. While drinking alcohol was totally taboo, chewing perfumed tobacco and keeping mistresses was accepted as normal behaviour, provided one could afford it. Today, it is not common, but I suppose that it is more covert than overt. It is all a matter of supply and demand, I am told.
Oddly enough, I was reminded of a famous quotation from Oscar Wilde when I read another news item in our local news paper about a wife killing her husband when she found out that he had married another woman. The quote is “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is also the same.” This led me to wonder if the bigamy is applicable only when a man marries more than once when a wife already exists or whether it is applicable to both sexes. I am told on excellent authority, confirmed by a perusal of the dictionary, that this is applicable to both the sexes. My excellent authority, Padmini, a lady of much fire, further went on to elaborate that it is a typical male doubt. Men do not expect women to be up to such shenanigans. She did not stop at that and said, “just look at the Indian situation, there is no equivalent word in any of the Indian languages for a widower!” We have vidhwa for widow, but no equivalent for ‘widower’. This assures me that the root for both English and our Sanskrit word for widow, must be the same. The English must have developed the word widower due to necessity. In the Indian situation, Padmini strongly believes, men have no business being widowers and must quickly get married again! Interesting thought that, though not quite appealing to me just now. I would rather stay with Oscar Wilde’s thought to comfort me. I consulted Grannymar about it and she concurs that the quote should be amended to read as “Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is also the same.”
Now, Sugar Mommies, is a different issue altogether. Either I do not move in the right circles, or it is most covert. I have not come across the ‘gigolo’ syndrome yet in my fairly eventful life. I would certainly like some of my younger Indian readers like Sandeep and Ashok as well as our India expert Phil, to throw some light on this aspect. While at it, they may like to throw some light on age restrictions if any too! I am also depending on Grannymar to illuminate us with her usual candour.
I have a feeling that I am heading for some serious trouble with this post, but the topic is too intriguing not to post about.
Sunday, April 19th 2009 at 22:43 |
I read the article, and whatever the courts may say, it is prostitution (because it is payment for sexual services rendered, at the end of the day). I am not being judgemental about this. Prostitution is going to be around whether anyone likes it or not. Do these people who want an “intense connection without commitment” get attached to each other? Occasionally, they do.
It seems that many of these “sugar babies” are doing this kind of work because they want to pay their college tuition. So I would like to propose that someone carries out a Freakonomics kind of analytical study which measures if there is a degree of positive correlation between the current economic recession (and fall in college financial aid) and the increase in “sugar baby” relationships. The results would be interesting to see!
Coming to the question – Are there sugar mommies? You bet. The sugar mommy concept is alive and well, even in India. I have heard anecdotal evidence from reliable people that they do exist and thrive in urban, upper middle-class and rich India. These relationships are more discreet, though. Many young men of course, fantasize about being with older women.
While many people think of female “sugar babies” as women with loose morals, the same people think of male “sugar babies” servicing older women as studs. Just goes to show gender bias, I guess.
The fact is, this is sophisticated prostitution, and will continue irrespective of what anyone else thinks.
Sandeep Gupta´s last blog post..Football: The Great Leveller
Sunday, April 19th 2009 at 22:51 |
Ramana at my age the term would have to be “Sugar Grandmommies” I have spent most of my life looking for just one good woman to take care of me with no success. The one I got now has done a pretty good job of training me to fiend for myself but I do yearn for the posh life some times. I knew that I was going to be in for it when during our first week of marriage I awoke one morning and ask my new loving wife where my clean underwear was? She did not miss a beat – she rolled over and got out of bed and said ” I do not know. Where did you put it after you washed it?” That has set the tone.
Benjamen Franklin once said that “it is cheaper to borrow money than to marry it.”
Truly all jokes aside I am blessed. My wife and I have been married 16 years this past week and we still love each other dearly and really enjoy each others company. We both do however miss Manjulabi the woman who would come and cook, clean and just generally take care of us.
Sunday, April 19th 2009 at 23:01 |
I’ll skip the first bit as some folk might say I have been there got the t-shirt etc!
Rapidly moving on…
Generation gap closes as ‘toyboy’ weddings increase
Maxine Frith, Social Affairs Correspondent of the Independent on Sunday wrote back in December 2003 –
‘The incidence of “toyboy” marriages in which the man is younger than his bride has almost doubled in the past 40 years.
More than a quarter of all marriages now involve older women, according to figures released by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) yesterday.
The “toyboy” rate is even higher for unions in which the man is marrying for the first time.
One in three of first-time grooms is now younger than his bride, compared with 15 per cent in 1963.’
You can see the full article here: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/generation-gap-closes-as-toyboy-weddings-increase-576418.html
So for some examples:
Joan Collins & Percy Gibson, he became her fifth husband in 2002 and she is 32 years his senior.
Demi Moore 45-year-old wife of Ashton Kutcher 29
Madonna with a younger model Jesus Luz – 28 years her junior (not sure if that was a fling or a marriage).
I’m away to sort out my fifty toyboys!
Grannymar´s last blog post..A He or a She?
Rummuser Reply:
April 20th, 2009 at 21:02
Grannymar, Urmeela was eleven years my senior.
Grannymar Reply:
April 20th, 2009 at 21:08
11 years is nothing compared to the age gap in our household!
Grannymar´s last blog post..Food Monday ~ Portuguese Monkfish
Rummuser Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 20:31
Yes, I am glad that this post and its comments led to our discussing the matter in greater detail.
Monday, April 20th 2009 at 00:20 |
Ramana, Is there anything called toygirl? I wonder why there are no toygirls when there are toyboys. Where does the pre-fix “sugar” (as in sugarDaddy/ SugarMommy) come from? I do not know about India, but in South Africa it will not be very long before we see a legislation that legalises female polygamists.
Lizwi´s last blog post..Let the ballot speak
Rummuser Reply:
April 20th, 2009 at 21:00
You bet there are toygirls. They are called by variious other names, like arm candy, accessory etc. That is quite clear in the NYT article to which I had given the link.
Rummuser Reply:
April 20th, 2009 at 21:01
Incidentally, do you think that I will be welcomed in South Africa if I wanted to immigrate? After the proposed legislation gets passed of course!
Grannymar Reply:
April 20th, 2009 at 21:06
Somebody once told me they were called lucky! roll:
Grannymar´s last blog post..Food Monday ~ Portuguese Monkfish
Rummuser Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 20:32
I am trying Grannymar, I am trying.
Grannymar Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 21:17
I asked this question on a discussion board a couple of years ago, I am still friendly with the toyboy who gave the answer ‘Lucky’! Mind you he is only one of my collection of over 50 toyboys.
Ramana beat that!
Grannymar´s last blog post..Handy Hints for Wednesday ~ 24
Rummuser Reply:
April 26th, 2009 at 21:28
No way Grannymar, it is no contest!
Monday, April 20th 2009 at 01:53 |
Different cultures have their own traditions and guidelines. Some people recall French President Mitterand’s lifestyle and the presence of his mistress and daughter at his funeral along with his official wife. What is acceptable behaviour in one culture is often judged and ridiculed in another. Any impulse to judge another is an invitation to explore reasons for anger or discomfort within the self. Beliefs and reactions are conditioned. Love is all there truly is. HUmn beings forget that temporarily. Readers may be interested in this:
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/3/3/is-being-a-kept-man-the-next-big-thing.html
Liara Covert´s last blog post..How to build unshakable confidence
Wednesday, April 22nd 2009 at 05:55 |
As my husband is younger than I am, I would have to guess I was a sugar mommy if I had any money or material possessions to speak of when we got together. But since I didn’t, I guess the poor guy just fell for me (maybe he got too close to the front of my car – LOL).
teeni´s last blog post..The Bird Magnet
Rummuser Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 20:25
More likely the latter teeni! Unlike the birds however, he seems to have won!
Sunday, April 26th 2009 at 05:28 |
Ramana, if it is Sugar Mommies you seek, then I suggest you work on that guitar and polish those young Lee Marvin good looks. As night follows day, you will find yourself overwhelmed with attention! Of this, I have no doubt.
Another thing for you to consider: if Grannymar has 50 toyboys already, what is the harm in 51, eh?
Conrad´s last blog post..The Whine Bar Gets a New Security Device
Rummuser Reply:
April 26th, 2009 at 20:05
That is great advise Conrad. Shall take it to heart and do the needful.
Grannymar is very choosy. I would indeed be honored to be counted among her toyboys, but I do not come up to her exacting standards.