Do Indians Celebrate Fathers’ Day?
By Rummuser. Filed in People, Relationships, Uncategorized |Tags: bachelors, Fathers' Day, Shraadh, singles, Three generations under one roof
This post has been in the making for quite some time now but, is being speeded up with the passing of Fathers’ Day, celebrated on June 21, 2009. The original title has also been changed to reflect the contents in its present context.
I received some greetings from people who know that I am a father and some enquired whether we celebrate Fathers’ Day in India. I also sent some messages to some people who were celebrating Fathers’ Day.
My household is unique. It has two fathers, and one son who is also a grandson. The household consists of three single males, my father, twice widowed, I once widowed and my son, who is divorced from his only ex wife. All three are also motherless children!
From left, Ranjan, my son, my father and me!
In all my extended family and circle of friends, there is simply no equivalent household. One without the presence of a resident woman. The joke within this family and circle of friends is that three generations of single male Rajgopauls under one roof, is a disaster waiting to happen.
The nearest to this situation, that I have come across is the TV serial, Nu3bers. There is however variation there in that, there is one retired father and two working sons. Just two generations. In my household, there are three generations.
On Saturday last, that is the day before Fathers’ Day, my son Ranjan suggested to me that he takes me and my father out for lunch somewhere to celebrate Fathers’ Day. I shot down the idea for two very valid reasons. One, we have never celebrated it so far, ever. Two, and more important, if the reason was to be told to my father, he would get very upset as his two other sons and a daughter had nothing to do with it and would go into a tirade.
Oscar Wilde, the irrepressible Irishman wrote: “Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.” I suppose that he was neither rich nor single. In any case, he reflects the popular opinion that single men have a grand time, enjoying life to its full, without the responsibility and care that matrimony entails.
In our case, none of us are rich, nor are we exactly destitute. We represent everything that middle class India does, bar wives or mothers in our lives. Ranjan has a girl friend but she does not live with us. He does. Quite whether this means that we are care free and enjoying life to its fullest, is a matter of conjuncture. My answer would be the other saw – being single till one’s old age is a fine breakfast, when young, a flat lunch in the middle years and a miserable dinner in one’s old age.
In our three cases however, we seem to be having all three meals with great relish and gusto. That is because, we have assumed the responsibility for each other, and I am very serious about this, including my father. Despite his advanced age, which is now 92 and frailness, he insists on washing dishes, clearing the table and doing other things by himself, so that he is not a burden on either of us. He is also willing to foot his share of expenses!
Money matters which usually cause problems in such situations, has not yet done so in our case, as all three of us are quite casual about it and it is no big deal any way.
I wonder if any of my readers have any knowledge of similar households. If so, please do share with me as to how the situation is there.
So, with two fathers at home, why don’t we celebrate Fathers’ Day?
That takes us to the difference in our culture. Indians, do not make a fuss about living people. The living ones are dime a dozen, so why bother?
We are however supposed to do a great deal, about our dead and gone ancestors. We have what is known as Shraadh, and I reproduce below an extract from a blog post about Shraadh, the full text of which may be read by those who are interested. I suppose that this is because, history is mystery and Indians feel that it is prudent take some insurance for the future when they themselves become history!
Shraadh
The Sanskrit word “Shraadh” refers to the ritual performed by a Hindu in order to offer homage to one`s deceased ancestors (Pitri). `Shraadh` also means `Shraddha` which stands for unconditional, limitless reverence. The sons or the grandsons of the departed person pay respectful homage to their deceased parents and grand parents by performing this ritual. It is believed that after the performance of the ritual, the soul of the dead relative is appeased and it attains Moksha. Shraddh liberates the ancestors, since the mantras chanted during Shraddh ceremony, reaches the dead ancestors soul through the atmosphere and space. This day is also thought of as a day of remembering the ancestors and parents.
Pitru pakshaShraadh is performed every year on the anniversary of the death of the person as per the Panchang or during the dark fortnight called Pitri Paksha. The Mahalaya Shraadh is performed during a fortnight called as the ” Pitru paksha” in the month of Ashwin of the Hindu Vikram samvat. The Pitri- Paksha usually falls falls between 27th September 2007 and 11th October 2007. Shraadh can also be performed on every New Moon day or ” Amavasya”.
So, if you ask me as to whether I perform Shraadh, my honest answer is – no I do not. I personally do not believe that it need s to be done and there is no Mullah or some powerful religious head sitting on my head forcing me to do it. That is the beauty of Hinduism. It is totally anarchic and each follower is free to do what he thinks is right. There are relatives and friends of mine who perform Shraadh regularly and with great fervor. It is just not my cup of tea! I however do not mind partaking on all the goodies that are prepared in such functions if I am around where they are conducted. There are also many like me who do not. It is not considered a sin. We are prepared to meet with whatever comes our way when we go up to meet our ancestors.
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 00:27 |
Smile and greeting to you all. Truly, this is a very interesting post. Hopefully people from Guinness Book of Records will see this uniqueness.
Father’s Days also not popular in Indonesia.
Tikno´s last blog ..Five things I am proud of
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:59
Tikno, you flatter me, but I enjoy that bit of teasing from you. Do more often.
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 00:43 |
Great post! Thank you. I especially love the picture. Your father is wise in insisting that he contribute…studies have shown that people who do that tend to live longer and are healthier.
My daughter sends us gifts for Mother’s and Father’s Day. They’re nice, but not nearly as important as our regular interactions.
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:58
Yes, that is what I would have thought. Regular interactions to be much better than an annual ritual. Nothing of course like having both!
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 00:52 |
Three handsome colour coordinated gentlemen!
Ramana, that is a very interesting piece on many grounds. I am unaware of any household with three generations of the same sex, either male or female.
My parents were both buried and my sister tends the grave on a regular basis. I never visit the grave preferring to think of them as I move through life. Jack was a real free spirit and it was his wish to be cremated. I scattered his ashes and in doing so felt I returning him to nature and freedom.
Grannymar´s last blog ..Food Monday ~ Warm Potatoes & Bacon
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:57
In our system we cremate in any case. We cremated Urmeela and a bit of her is in our garden and some just washed down our local river.
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 01:40 |
Ramana,
I love the photograph of the three generations along with the description of life in your household. Jean is 100% correct about your Dad having a “purpose” in life by contributing to the household in as many ways as possible.
One question that comes to mind is … how clean is your house? There is a huge difference in tidiness between the elder generation in my family and my college-age son!! Guess which generation is neater?
My hats off to your all-male family who are able to coexist under one roof in peace and happiness. If only more families could do so — whether they live together or not.
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:56
Linda, I am a compulsive cleaner after as was Urmeela. So, despite the best efforts to be sloppy, Ranjan’s room stays clean. My father has got a whole lot of what I consider junk papers and files, but which he says I can touch only after he meets his maker. Those are however kept quite neatly and efficiently.
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 08:25 |
Nice Post RR! Prefer it to your take on Marketing!!
No point in suddenly turning around and wishing Appa Happy Father’s Day….after nearly sixty years of being a daughter!
Jai, my son, was away from home. His three year old daughter called him up and said, “Happy FAther’s Day Appa! Are you happy now?”
What she meant by this profound statement she only knows. All this while she was only used to singing Happy Birthday, so a new ‘Happy…Day’ must have intrigued her.
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:54
That is the beauty of childhood. We are blessed to have them give such experiences.
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 08:29 |
I can think of a few instances of two generations of adults living under the same roof, but never three. We won’t talk about what they do to old folk here in the US!
Looney´s last blog ..
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:53
No, let us not. There are however exceptions in the USA, where they may not live under one roof but close by to each other and a lot of toing and froing takes place.
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 23:40 |
A very happy father’s day to you sir and clearly all your spirits are up and kicking. Keep it up, we are all looking at your family in awe!
Ashok´s last blog ..Hitting the sack
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:51
Nothing extraordinary there Ashok. I can write about many other families that look after the elders, but usually one or more women are involved. That is the only factor that makes our case unique.
Ashok Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 23:36
That unique factor was exactly the one that made me look on in admiration.
Ashok´s last blog ..16 to 60
Wednesday, June 24th 2009 at 13:20 |
Congrats on having three generations together, it is a fine thing.
Rummuser Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 19:50
Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
Friday, June 26th 2009 at 09:01 |
I LOVE this picture! Ramana, not only is the story of the three of you terrific, but I have to tell you that if I were to crop it down to just you, that is the best picture of you that I have seen.
I have no knowledge of a similar arrangement. I would like to hear some stories from your father if he is so inclined. What was India like, back in the day? How has he seen times change? And…what does he think of the changes?
Friday, June 26th 2009 at 17:05 |
The photograph was taken by Phil who visits my blog often. He made quite a hit with my father. My father had seen him for the first time and took quite a shine to him.
Conrad, if I let him loose, on this blog, you will not have time to do anything else but read my posts. Yes he has a lot of memories, and would like to share them with the world. I shall be writing about his memories by and by.
Saturday, June 27th 2009 at 01:44 |
What a wonderful picture of you, your father, and son. It made me smile to see three generations together enjoying each other. I often think our holidays like Mothers and Fathers Day, Grandparent Day, etc. etc. are celebrated due to the card companies wanting to make their pockets full:) Although I confess, I LIKE getting cards and hearing from our kids on those special days too!
Saturday, June 27th 2009 at 19:56 |
Renee, I have written a sequel to that. You might like to read that and then offer your comment!
Wednesday, July 8th 2009 at 21:02 |
Goodness me you’re a unique bunch with I have to say, a rather tradgic background, but from what that picture shows; you’ve stuck together, which is a great thing.
Simon@Leadership´s last blog ..Leadership Development Programme
Wednesday, July 8th 2009 at 21:45 |
@Simon@Leadership: Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting. I did visit your blog and found it quite interesting. In my present state of retirement and enjoying life however, the subject matter of your blog is too serious for me and I hope that you would not mind my not participating in your blog activities. Thank you once again.