Is Being A Woman All That Difficult?
By Rummuser. Filed in People, Relationships |Tags: Indian women, Press on women, Western women, Women's equality
Many readers of this blog are women and also from the West. Recently some intriguing oped pieces have been appearing in many publications, including venerable ones like the Readers Digest on some of the problems faced by women, even today.
Just a random collection from one such publication, the New York Times, of three articles illustrate what I mean. While one is from a man’s perceptive, the other two are from women and so more the interesting.
Recently, I have been reading Gaelikaa’s blogs and find some issues faced by a Western woman married to an Indian, living in India, but her problems and joys are different from those that these articles present.
I have written about some of the problems and prospects of the modern and not so modern Indian women in India and find that there are a lot of commonalities, just as I find commonalities in the problems and prospects of men in India with men in the West. While the Indian women are not getting the press that the Western ones are, the problems remain the same.
And to give some icing on the cake for my readers, here is something special about another famous lady, admired and decried and at a point of time, even pitied for her husband’s peccadilloes.
It will be interesting to hear from my Western readers what they think about the articles linked here. Please feel free to comment. Thank you.
Sunday, October 25th 2009 at 13:07 |
It’s not surprising so many Western women are unhappy when so many men are still blatantly sexist and determined to keep women as second-class citizens. The unhappiness is not a result of feminism but a result of feminist aspirations for full equality being resisted by diehard males. Women still have a huge struggle to be what they want to be rather than what men want them to be. Which is usually sexy, big-breasted deferential maids. Post-feminism, ha ha ha.
Ursula Reply:
October 25th, 2009 at 15:00
Nick, thanks for making me smile.
By sheer coincidence, thus linking in with Ramana’s subject, I watched a film yesterday which I had managed to ignore for decades; I didn’t even know what the term stood for. Yes, really: “The Stepford Wives” (the 1975 original version, apparently 2004 remake complete waste of time). Whilst my finger was hovering over the ‘off’ button throughout I watched it to the end. It’s not excactly mindblowing and challenging in the intellectual stakes but, by golly, did I learn a lesson, not to say re-examine parts of my own life.
I am still wiping my brow. Once recovered I shall answer Ramana’s question properly.
U
Rummuser Reply:
October 25th, 2009 at 21:27
I hope that you have wiped your brow now. I am eagerly awaiting your response.
Rummuser Reply:
October 25th, 2009 at 21:13
Nick, I am speechless! What a comment! Your last bit is unbelievable.
Sunday, October 25th 2009 at 13:35 |
I always knew I was odd!
I never saw myself running for high office in any way. I HATED the whole burning of bras era/episode, whatever you want to call it. I felt it did more harm than good for women. It had nothing to do with the fact that for most of my life my boobs were not sufficient to warrant a bra!
We gain more in life by respecting each other for our individual strengths and talents, than all the jumping up and shouting or protesting. Just as a child will remember the gentle teaching of a teacher, we learn more from gentle actions than the pushy roar of the rabble.
As for peccadilloes… if a spouses needs are catered for at home, there will be no need to look elsewhere! That may not be the view of everybody, but it is mine.
Rummuser Reply:
October 25th, 2009 at 21:15
You are not odd. You are just normal.
Paras two and three, agreed.
Sunday, October 25th 2009 at 18:35 |
Ursula – Stepford Wives is a brilliant film, it shows very graphically how absurd some men’s stereotypes of women are, and where they might ultimately lead!
Grannymar – I think the forthright feminism of the sixties and seventies was very effective in challenging many men’s oppressive views of women, which had led to huge numbers of frustrated, unfulfilled women. Some feminists went too far and started to make rather cranky demands, but nevertheless big advances were made. Once women became less forthright again, men started sliding back to their old habits. And despite the popular image, I don’t think many bras actually got burnt!
Rummuser Reply:
October 25th, 2009 at 21:26
Stepford Wives is a different film to watch, understand and appreciate than the normal suburbia types. I was left quite shaken at the end of the movie. It is a pity that the film did not get as much viewership as it should have. It would indeed be nice, if an Indian version is made.
Grannymar Reply:
October 25th, 2009 at 21:26
Nick, my father was a very selfish man within his own household, while to his own siblings and the outside world he appeared to be a saint! From the age of ten I was expected to step into my mother’s shoes and cook, clean and iron his shirts TO HER STANDARD, when she was ill while he never lifted a finger. Her spells of illness lasted from the late 50′s to her death in 1996. He almost expected me to remain single and continue to look after him for his remaining years. Thankfully for my mother’s sake he predeceased her by 17 years. Bra burning et al were a source of laughter to him and nothing to be taken seriously. It was only on marriage, a state I never expected to enter, that I discovered how a woman should be treated. Day and daily I thanked God for my Jack.
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:55
Grannymar, I know some other cases where the fathers expected the offspring to sacrifice their own lives to look after them. I find that totally unexpectable and have spoilt some friendships because I took the side of the children.
Sunday, October 25th 2009 at 20:10 |
My husband recently read a book by a woman who decided to pose as a man to see what a man’s life is like. She dressed like a man, and pursued hobbies as if she were a man. She came away feeling that a man’s world is much more difficult than women realize.
Rummuser Reply:
October 25th, 2009 at 21:04
That is an interesting experiment. Can you give me the reference to the book? Thank you.
Monday, October 26th 2009 at 04:02 |
Being a woman has worked just great for me. I didn’t buy into cultural stereotypes of how women should behave and have never been interested in worldly ambitions. It helps a lot to be inner-directed, whichever sex you are.
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:53
Quite right and very well put Jean.
Monday, October 26th 2009 at 12:44 |
Being a woman is absolutely difficult, especially in countries where they are still treated badly. I wish they get empowered soon and leap whatever obstacles they have. Its pathetic that even in developed countries cases of chauvinism is reported very frequently. Having said that I know some instances personally where men and treated so badly by women. I think we all should have a basic notion that everybody is a human then comes the gender. Mutual respect should exist between us.
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:52
Girish, let me ask you another question. Is it any easier being a man with all kinds of expectations that society places on him. I think that what is needed to be done is that there should be some balance in the reward system.
Monday, October 26th 2009 at 16:11 |
The book is Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent. She was very sympathetic to the men she met.
Increasing expectations (and diminishing support) are bound to lead to increased unhappiness. As well as the increasing price of housing (worse in Australia where I’m from than the US – so more of a factor here).
I think women have ludicrous expectations put on them (though this applies to another sex as well in my experience). Liberation of either can benefit both I think.
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:49
Thanks Evan. I have ordered for the book. I quite agree with your observation that society puts unnecessary expectations on both sexes in terms of the roles expected of them. My point would be that they do not have to accept those expectations.
Monday, October 26th 2009 at 19:12 |
There are still some places in which a woman is not seen as an individual but simply as an accessory to the man to whom she is married. These places are not necessarily east or west. The stereotyped roles of marriage i.e. male as provider and woman as homemaker have worked out pretty well overall, but people have individual needs and aspirations and these too have to be taken into consideration. In order to nurture and bring up children, people may have to put their personal aspiratons on the backburner and give priority to the kids for a while, but everyone should try to reach out for their dreams and be the person they want to be. A human being should be free to develop their talents and not stifle them just so they can iron someone’s shirts for the rest of their life. I’m not saying they should leave the marriage – just send out the ironing and carry on following your dreams!
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:47
I can sympathize with that. In fact, I can write tomes about this topic which obsesses just about all social anthropologists. It has been so since times immemorial and though some progress has been made, it will take more generations before true equality is achieved.
Monday, October 26th 2009 at 20:53 |
Women nowadays are just like man. They have guts now and do task for boys.
Monday, October 26th 2009 at 23:40 |
All through history women have been made to feel inferior to men and that exists to some degree to this day. Look how long it took for the women to get the vote in the U. S. Many times women who were left alone through widowhood or divorce were helpless due to having never worked. In many cultures women are considered to be the possession of the husband just like his animals or autos. They are treated that way.
In spite of the progress made in the U. S. for equality of the sexes, women still only make 75% of what a man makes doing the same job. Then they are usually the ones who have to go home and do the second job of cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. While this is changing in many households the husbands that do their share are fewer than those who don’t.
The husband as provider worked well for women whose husband’s shared and made a good living, but was disastrous for those whose husband’s used this power to dominate the wife and control her.
It will be a much better world when everyone has equal opportunity, respect each other, and there is no discrimination. These are my thoughts.
gaelikaa Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 09:33
Well, Darlene, I’d have to agree with you there.
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:44
Well said indeed.
Tuesday, October 27th 2009 at 13:33 |
Being a woman is really difficult and i agree with girish there is some parts where they are treated badly.
Tuesday, October 27th 2009 at 16:37 |
When I get my sex change, I will let you know. As of now, I have no idea.
Grannymar Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:40
Maynard, DON’T YOU DARE! I couldn’t cope with you suffering PMS
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:42
Quite right. He is insufferable enough now!
Ursula Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 18:20
Ramana, I quite disagree with you and Grannymar. I think Maynard would take PMS to a sort of post modern level of amusing heights.
And Maynard, don’t worry when your time comes: It’s a complete myth that all women suffer from PMT and PMS (ie BOTH sides of the great divide in fertility stakes). However, both serve as a good excuse to be cranky and generally irritable as and when it suits; so keep that trick up your sleeve.
U
Rummuser Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:43
Good Lord man, take some good advise from Grannymar.
Grannymar Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 18:26
Ursula, Are you speaking with the voice of experience when you say ‘both serve as a good excuse to be cranky and generally irritable as and when it suits’?
I do know who did exactly that and it fooled nobody.
Ursula Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 19:37
Grannymar, I would never argue with the medical profession or indeed a woman who really is in the grip of her hormones so much so that she suffers either PMS or PMT.
However, like you, I know women who use it as an excuse for what is frankly just bad and manipulative behaviour. If something irritates me or gets on my nerves or I disagree I just say it as it is, even if I might have to apologize afterwards. But I’d never use that “time of the month” or those years after a certain age as an excuse. I guess you are with me on this one.
By way of example, and this might amuse you: A few years ago I got very upset at a public function of a good friend of mine and decided to leave the party early; quietly, discreetly. However, and this really was the chill on an evening gone wrong, days later I then hear that older sister of my friend dismissed my grief as being “menopausal” (I was only forty at the time for starters). It made me laugh. So that’s ok then: You don’t have to take my feelings seriously because I am in the grip of some hormones. Come again? I felt it an insult not only to a serious issue on my part but also to women who truly suffer physically and mentally from hormonal fluctuations.
My own take, and I know that, by temperament and good genes, I am lucky: It would help even those afflicted if we accepted what are normal rites of passages, nature taking its course. Let’s ride the wave or enjoy the calm of the sea.
Let me know what you think.
U
Grannymar Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 18:29
I lost the word Women in the comment above, it should read: I do know women who did exactly that and it fooled nobody.
Grannymar Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 23:56
Why not argue with the medical profession? I have done so twice on my own behalf. Not all bodies conform to the textbook ideal. I after all live with my body so know it better than anyone.
Out of interest I have known at least three women who were “menopausal” long before 40! One poor soul was in her mid twenties. I am extremely sympathetic to women in these situations, but have no time for those who for no reason, bully and rail-road their way ignoring the feelings of others or whose platform they are on.
Ramana, I apologise for overrunning you blog post with female issues.
Rummuser Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 18:16
No need to apologize at all. More points of view, the better.
Conrad Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 11:46
Maynard, which sex will you be after the change?
Sorry, LOL, we’ve known each other a looonnnggg time!
Rummuser Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 17:58
That is a very interesting question indeed!
Tuesday, October 27th 2009 at 17:50 |
Maybe “Gail” should return!
Grannymar Reply:
October 27th, 2009 at 17:52
Where was she hiding all this time?
Tuesday, October 27th 2009 at 17:53 |
i don’t think so we should really get into these points, after all Women are the Power and that power will remain forever, we should respect our Genders and should really take benefit life that God has gifted to us.
Wednesday, October 28th 2009 at 01:44 |
The conversation here is so spirited I’ve nearly forgotten what the post was about! Oh yes, is woman’s life really that difficult? Welllllll, first of all I think if men had to give birth, breast feed, and raise kids there would be no population problem. I’ve frankly never understood why women think having children defines them. I’d like to give this option up to men and see how well they could handle this whole thing —- if I were God and could switch it up a bit.
secondly, I recommend Raine Eisler’s Book “The Chalice and The Blade” for a fabulous look at the cultural evolution of the matriarchy/patriarchy – it is stunning.
Ursula Reply:
October 28th, 2009 at 12:09
Suzen, you make the raising of children sound like a to be dreaded chore. It isn’t.
It is a false assumption that just because a woman dedicates herself to her offspring means she is restricted in how she defines herself; indeed you’d do your child – particularly as he/she grows up – a great disservice if there weren’t other facets to your life.
Unlike you, if I were God – and I wish I were – I’d most certainly not switch anything. Nature had the right idea – trying to defy it is a complete waste of energy.
U
Rummuser Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 18:12
Ursula, I am all for letting Nature rule our lives. Over many thousands of years, we have got away from the way Nature intended us to live and many of the problems that we now face, is precisely due to this moving away from Nature.
suzen Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 20:54
This was said in jest, my dear. It is said that a walk in someone else’s shoes can lead to some appreciation for the role one plays or path one walks. I didn’t mean a permanent thing – just a brief walk. Women could benefit from a few days in a man’s shoes as well, don’t you think?
Ursula Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 21:54
No, Suzen, it was not said in jest. No back pedalling for you now: Re-read third, fourth and fifth sentences of your first paragraph – they are loaded. Not that you are the first woman having uttered the same sentiment. And I am not your ‘dear’.
U
Rummuser Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 18:15
You have inspired me to write another post on the subject as a sequel.
Wednesday, October 28th 2009 at 01:48 |
Oh – p.s. – regarding your comment on my blog:
I think women have been more open to speak about their emotionally trials and tribulations than men – as a whole – and have been doing for far longer, and in great “quantity” than men. I don’t think we suffer more at all – we are just gabbier about it. I am always touched deeply when a man becomes entirely open with his pain – it just doesn’t happen too often. I think sometimes women just are so shocked when a man does that that we perhaps do not know how to respond?
Rummuser Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 18:14
You are right. I am trying to be as gabby as women and it hurts!
suzen Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 18:29
Take two aspirins and call me in the morning! (This is a joke about how doctors respond to our complaints about pain) Just think of this as exercise – it hurts until you get used to it. I commend your willingness and seriously, I am most sympathetic to the pain involved in the process! Sending hugs of support!
Wednesday, October 28th 2009 at 23:06 |
V-E-R-R-R-Y I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G! (the German wearing helmet, saying that in 60′s TV Laugh-In. Can’t forget.
Rummuser Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 18:08
Thank you.
Thursday, October 29th 2009 at 11:48 |
suzen brought tears to my eyes!
Rummuser Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 17:57
Please see my latest post.
Friday, October 30th 2009 at 02:18 |
Whoa , whoa, whoa U – Peace! What’s with the anger ? You sound seriously outraged. Good grief! I have a flippant and sometimes irreverent sense of humor, which you obviously don’t get. That’s what those sentences are loaded with. I promise not to call you dear if you promise not to try and tell me what I “meant” by what I said. I’m sure I know! I hope you can replace your anger with some level of acceptance and peace. There is just no need for this here – or anywhere. Namaste, suzen
Ursula Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:46
Suzen, “anger”? Yes, sentiments like yours do make me angry. “Seriously outraged”? Let’s not exaggerate.
How I just love it when someone refers to their humour as “flippant and sometimes irreverent” because someone else does not “get it”. It is so lame. Why not refine your technique of how to bring across your brand of ‘humour’? However, as a precaution, in future I shall not take you too seriously; just in case I miss the ‘humour’ bit.
Yes, Suzen, “acceptance”: Maybe YOU should accept that some things make some people angry. Let’s not sugar coat everything wrong in the world by dampening down our ‘anger’ and making the peace sign every time a discussion becomes challenging or uncomfortable.
As to your rather sanctimonious “there is just no need for this here”: Let Ramana be the judge of that. It is his blog and if he has any objection to how I voice my opinion I am sure he’d let me know. One of the virtues of his blog is that he encourages lively discussion, serious or fun, and does not seem to be censorius within the confines of a civilized exchange.
U