A Journey.
By Rummuser. Filed in Uncategorized |
“A Journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.”
- Zen saying.
I have taken many first steps on many journeys during my rather eventful life. The longest and the most memorable one however was different.
I took the first step after eight years of ignorance.
It was in mid 1961 that I met Urmeela for the first time. She was my friend’s sister. Urmeela and I had a platonic relationship which would see us doing many things together as part of a group of people who did things together as, my girl friend then was staying in a hostel run by nuns in a convent and could not come out for late evening outings.
End 1962 saw me relocating to another city for a new job in preparation for my girl friend’s impending shift there for her post graduate studies. So, Urmeela and I lost touch with each other, but I was in touch with her brother who would pop up wherever I happened to be to recharge his batteries as it were. In 1966 I was in Mumbai on a short two month internship when Urmeela had her one woman show of her paintings at the Taj Art Gallery and my friend made me responsible for her safety in the big bad city. By that time of course, my relationship with the earlier girl friend had ceased and I was footloose. Urmeela and I would meet every day and I would escort her to another mutual friend’s place where she was staying. This was for just about a week while her exhibition was on.
We lost touch with each other after that again till early 1968 when I was posted for a short time at Hyderabad, her home town. I reestablished contact with her family through her brother who all this while had been in touch with me and remained a stead fast friend. Mind you, I am talking about the time when telephones were rare and other means of communication that we now know of did not exist. We kept in touch through what is now called snail mail!
Urmeela and I started doing things together again, and after about three months of this, one day while we were having dinner together, I just asked her to marry me since we seemed to be comfortable with each other. That was the first step that I took in forty plus years of the longest and happiest journey that I have ever taken.
To say she was stunned is an understatement. She however said that she would give serious consideration to the idea and took all of two days to say yes. My friends told her that she was making a mistake. Her friends told me that I was making a mistake. Our friends told us that both of us were making mistakes and the marriage will be a disaster. Without exception, everyone believed that the marriage would not last long.
We got married on November 3, 1968. After a short honeymoon, we set up our first home in New Delhi in December and till we moved to Pune in 1990, set up homes in eight different places. Her career took its inevitable toll after Ranjan was born in 1971 and she more or less gave it up to make a home for her husband and son. We set up two more temporary homes though we retained our Pune home to return to.
A journey taken alone is boring. I should know. I have taken so many of them as a traveling salesman. But the journey of life that I took with Urmeela and Ranjan was filled with the usual ups and downs but, mostly ups. We saw a lot of the world together, took many long drives, train journeys and flights within India. We hosted many parties at home, attended many in other people’s homes, clubs, hotels, restaurants and the open air. In all these, we hardly had to talk to each other. We instinctively knew what the other would like and did it. She was wife, mother, daughter-in-law, surrogate mother for a host of kids, favourite relative for others, the boss’s very approachable wife to many others and my partner in everything that I did supporting me like a rock behind me while I took on the world.
We quarreled and made up, we disagreed on many things but moved on. She was the cement in my relationships with my family as I was for her with hers. It was the greatest show on earth.
In our journey, we came to the slowing down process in 1999 when I had to give up my flourishing career despite her protest, to be with her when she was felled by multiple cerebral and cardiac infarcts. Since then, till she passed away in March this year, we were joined at the hips. She could not do much, but she would light up the room with just her presence and laughter and love for all those in the room. I gave her as many opportunities as I possibly could, for her to do so. I could not keep doing it for ever.
Our journey came to an end on March 13, 2009. She has gone on a different journey for the first time since our marriage without me. I simply do not have the inclination to make any more journeys.
This post is the Loose Consortium Bloggers’ Friday post when Ashok, Conrad, Grannymar, Magpie11, Marianna, Maria, Gaelikaa, Helen, Judy , and I write one post each on the same topic. Please visit the other blogs too to have different views on this fascinating subject. This week, all the ten bloggers should be posting and I look forward to reading and commenting on all of them.
Friday, November 27th 2009 at 20:39 |
Wow! How fortunate you were to have travelled such a long and wonderful road together.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:45
Yes, I was indeed very fortunate to have taken that particular journey.
Friday, November 27th 2009 at 21:00 |
Ramana-Such a beautiful journey! I envy you! To have had someone to share your life with over the years. I understand some as to why you don’t have any inclination to make any more journeys. Once you’ve met your soulmate, it’s hard to replace them.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:44
It is difficult to imagine another similar journey Judy. I have not even thought about it.
Friday, November 27th 2009 at 21:10 |
Urmeela passed (she passes, you will “pop-off”) on March 13 & that’s my birthday. She was a wonderful person & I’m glad to get to know her better. (I like that you had disagreements too, which shows you both were human.)
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:43
BHB, so like you to catch me on the use of different phrases for the same phenomenon. Even if she had wanted, she could not have just popped off! She passed away describes it much better.
Friday, November 27th 2009 at 21:42 |
The best journey of all, Rummuser. And one that, although it made me cry, is also incredible. I loved that you shared that with us. Thank you.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:42
My pleasure Helen. It just wrote itself. It was more like catharsis for me to write it and I felt some other force writing it.
Friday, November 27th 2009 at 21:44 |
Husband + Wife + Shared Life + Commitment + Love = Beautiful Journey?
Hard to get out of the math mode.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:40
Try something like that in Jean’s post and see where it takes you.
Friday, November 27th 2009 at 22:02 |
You made some wise choices. Bless you.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:40
Thank you Jean. In your own inimitable way you have said more than just what one reads from them.
Friday, November 27th 2009 at 22:50 |
I am amazed how you describe the Zen saying, from your own life’s journey.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:39
Tikno, firstly I am glad that you have resurfaced. Where have you been hiding yourself all this while? Thank you.
tikno Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 15:52
I must focus my time and energy to ensure that a new outlet can run well in the first three months. But I still remember you and I’m here
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 02:59 |
A beautiful tribute to your loving wife and your journey together through life. As I read your post, I thought of the emotional ups and downs in writing about someone who is loved the way you loved Umeela. I guess what I am saying in my round about way, is are you all right? I know writing about my husband John who died in ’97 was difficult and writing about my son who died in “80 impossible for me. Take care of yourself, please.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:38
I am alright now Maria, though not quite when I was writing it, truth be told. I felt that I was not writing it. I am convinced that it was my Muse who did it.
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 03:09 |
Ramana, when you and Grannymar relate stories of Urmeela and Jack, it is so clear what love stories your lives are. My gratitude is that you actually are lying in the last case, when you say you “simply do not have the inclination to make any more journeys,” for in every post you make I journey with you down roads that only experience and love can provide.
I raise my glass in salute to a life well spent – and being well spent!
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:37
That is a very nice thing to say Conrad. Thank you.
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 04:51 |
I agree with everyone. What a wonderful post!
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:36
Jim, how nice of you to drop by and compliment. I am truly grateful.
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 11:40 |
Beautifully and simply written, Mr. R. Thank you for sharing.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:36
My pleasure Sandeep. It is a pity that your acquaintance with her was for such a short period. You would have loved to be her sweetheart too.
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 12:33 |
absolutely brilliant blog dad. tathastu!
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:35
How nice for you to comment here Ranjan. Thanks.
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 14:37 |
Words fail me, that post was simply beautiful.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:35
Thank you Ashok. I did not write it. My muse did.
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 17:18 |
What a wonderful man to have and care for a wonderful woman!
Rummy, thank you for that wonderful journey!
I’m glad you did not know Conrad at that point in your life, or you may have been inclined to get diverted and take the bust trip with him and not pursue the love of your life.
Thank you!
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:34
Glad? I thank the good Lord that I was nowhere near him at that time. Crabs? Must have been something. Incidentally, what were you doing in jail at that time, and of all the places in South Africa?
Saturday, November 28th 2009 at 18:01 |
I knew of the love between you two – just not the details. I use to feel so strong when she called me sweetheart. Her love still shines through you and Ranjan even today. Thank you for sharing her.
Rummuser Reply:
November 28th, 2009 at 21:33
Yes Phil, you were one of her favourites. She would light up when you were around.
Sunday, November 29th 2009 at 01:52 |
In answer to Judy’s comment, it has been my experience that it is impossible to ever replace a love, but sometimes there is a goodness in the world that after a long time of living alone, brings another person into your life and another reason for a journey. It is never the same journey, not ever, but for me it was the right road to take.
Rummuser Reply:
November 29th, 2009 at 09:51
Yes, Maria, I did think of that experience that you have posted about. As I have mentioned elsewhere however, I did not really feel that I was writing the post. It wrote itself. Does that make sense to you?
Sunday, November 29th 2009 at 06:13 |
Every so often, humans are blessed to have another being come into their lives & it is an enriching, humbling and rewarding experience. Be it for a season or a lifetime.
And, sometimes beings come into our lives for a reason – to teach us, even when we may be unwilling to learn.
You & Urmeela have been fortunate to have the time together – to learn, love, share and grow.
Never say never. You are always taking us on journeys. You may be surprised where the road next leads. Perhaps you’ll be visiting all the LBC’ers?
Rummuser Reply:
November 29th, 2009 at 09:49
The possibility of my visiting all the LBC’ers is an exciting one and if I can pull that one off, that will be one journey that I shall ‘never’ forget, and one that I shall indeed post on!
Sunday, November 29th 2009 at 08:56 |
This is a brilliant post!
Rummuser Reply:
November 29th, 2009 at 09:48
Thank you Anu. Coming from someone whose blog is far more interesting than mine, I take it as a great compliment. Look forward to seeing more of you as well as more elaborate comments.
Anu Reply:
November 29th, 2009 at 09:53
Sir coming from you, I truly feel honoured. I feel motivated now to write more posts and refine my language and writing skills. Do look forward to more of your comments on my blog and also to learn a lot from you.
Regards,
Anu.
Rummuser Reply:
November 29th, 2009 at 10:34
You fully deserve it Anu. I look forward to them.
Sunday, November 29th 2009 at 10:00 |
Also Sir, the reason I like your writing, is because your writing is your opinions put in writing, strong and unfastened. You are surely forth-right and putting up a facade is sure not your style and thats what makes this blog a very interesting read.
Rummuser Reply:
November 29th, 2009 at 10:35
You should also hopefully see the humour in most of my posts!
Sunday, November 29th 2009 at 19:40 |
Ramana,
I have experienced writing with a strong feeling that the words are coming from someone or something else so I do understand what you are saying. It is close to a mystical feeling. As you know, I have no strong bonds to any organized religion. I can not explain the phenomena. Perhaps, we have guides who help direct us or maybe a voice from a past life that brings a knowledge from another time. There is a bible quote that I find comforting. Not word for word, but something like “Now we see through a glass darkly and someday we will see clearly.” I do believe when we someone we love dies, there are many signs of their love that surrounds us. We just have to be aware and accepting.
Now, I am out the door and on my way to Long Beach and the cruise ship. I will keep all my friends from LWC in my mind and heart as I travel the coast of Mexico.
Monday, November 30th 2009 at 11:57 |
I could not visit any LBC post except Grannymar’s on Friday night after doing my LBC post, this is the first chance I got. Ramanaji, what a beautiful post, and what a wonderful love story. It brought tears to my eyes!
Rummuser Reply:
November 30th, 2009 at 21:02
I suspected that something must have held you back from commenting. No matter. This comment more than makes up for the delay by its content. Thank you.
Tuesday, December 1st 2009 at 01:59 |
I cannot say much at all. Thank you for sharing this.
Tuesday, December 1st 2009 at 19:35 |
What a lovely story, thanks for sharing you obviously had something very special.