Gaelikaa Adopts Me As Her Brother.
By Rummuser. Filed in Humor, Nostalgia, People, Relationships |Tags: Bhai, Don, Rakhi, Raksha Bandhan
I am indebted to Maria of Sliver Fox Whispers and Gaelikaa for the inspiration for this post.
In her response to my observation on my post on Flames, Maria the Silver Fox 
wrote -”Well, I went from your blog to Magpie and I found myself enthralled with metal compounds and fireworks. Then I thought, “Ramana needs to know it is not just about a flame, but it is also all about the fireworks!” I have to laugh because I write to you as comfortably as I write to my own brother.”
I responded -”I am flattered. In India, we have a system of women adopting men as their brothers by a simple ceremony of tying a string around the wrist of the men. The men then are obliged to protect and pamper the adopted sister! Have a look:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rakhi_day”
Maria the Gaelikaa 
responded – “That is a great idea Ramana Bhai. I shall tie a rakhi on you when we meet (whenever that may be).”
Now the problem is, that somewhere along the way in this exchange, our two Marias have got mixed up!
When I read the Ramana Bhai, I knew that we have got our Gaelikaa, aka Maria responding. I don’t mind having two Marias tying rakhis on my wrists, but, I do not want either getting confused about the other as I was for a while.
To get back to the business at hand, we have a festival in India called the Raksha Bandhan. Let experts write about it and, here is a link to one blog which explains it quite well.
Our son Ranjan has a much cherished Rakhi Sister, Zainab. She was his classmate in college and made him her Rakhi Brother. The two of them are a treat to watch when they are together. In due course, I shall post a blog about Zainab to express my admiration for a remarkable young lady who has achieved a great deal under very difficult circumstances.
When we moved into our brand new home in Pune in 1990, our neighborhood was sparcely populated. The complex to which we moved into, gradually got other residents and one of them was the Soans family consisting of Roaslyn the matriarch, her son Lubin a Merchant Marine Officer, his wife Susan, and their two kids Arup and Amrisha. Rosalyn was the classic Matriarch with a background of a life time of teaching children in Bombay. After a couple of years of getting to know each other, I used to be away from home more than at home duing that period, one fine evening, she brought a Rakhi, tied it on my wrist and said, I am making you my brother from now on. Apart from my real life sister, I had never been extended this privilege and to say that I was zapped is an understatement. This resulted in some delicate maneuvering because, Lubin, his sister and her family, Susan and her siblings and parents etc were all calling me by my first name by then and now the realtionship suddenly changed. Lubin and Susan particularly had to start calling me Mamaji, something that our Gaelikaa would understand. In the event, I allowed the gang to continue calling me by my first name.
Rosalyn gave us undiluted love till she passed away in 2003. Whenever she went for a walk, on her return, she would drop in and spend some time with us or more often with Urmeela. Any time some special dish was cooked in their home, it would find its way to our place as well. I do not know whether I gave her the brother she looked for but the bond was quite strong and the bond with her offspring and other members of her family continues to be so, even today.
My sister Padmini sends her three brothers Rakhi every year without fail from wherever she is. Ranjan’s cousins do so for him every year too. It is a great and indescribable tradition that is still alive and kicking even in these days of modernization and hurried life styles. One of the few that is still strong in an otherwise rapidly changing world around us.
Gaelikaa, welcome aboard. You can do the ceremony by snail mail! I promise to tie it around my wrist and shall send you my protection and pampering over the net till we meet and we can do it all in person.
Ramanaji has now become Ramana Bhai. In our part of the world, Bhai has taken on a new connotation! It is used for an Underworld Don! Please be advised that I cannot extend that kind of protection to you! I do not have a “Circuit” to assist me.
Sunday, December 13th 2009 at 19:51 |
I was greatly honored while I was living in India to have several village women tie Rakhis on my wrist. Those women would insist that I come and drink tea at their homes every time I went into that small village. Going to the village has become one of my most treasured memories of our time there. As you say it is a great and indescribable tradition.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:27
Phil, you are indeed very fortunate to have had the experience in rural India. It is far more touching there than in the cities.
Sunday, December 13th 2009 at 21:58 |
The Chinese has something a little similar that is kind of like being an adopted child. I never fully comprehended it, but I was asked to be someone’s “gan nyu er”, or adopted daughter. I casually said yes, but then my chinese companion told me that this is a very serious obligation, and that I would be obligated to treat them in a special way. Needless to say, I didn’t pursue that relationship because I couldn’t do that long distance.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:26
Ah, delirious, the Rakhi system here is loaded in favour of the sister. She just has to invest in a piece of string and some sweets. The brother is the bloke who takes on the obligation!
Sunday, December 13th 2009 at 22:41 |
Rummy, I will adopt you as my brother, but American Indian tradition is cutting both wrists and exchanging blood, then we become “blood brothers”! We will cut wrists when we meet.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:25
Mayo, having seen that ritual in some Westerns, in my youth, I have performed that rite with some friends who have stayed lifelong friends or should I say blood brothers, so far. I look forward to performing it with you.
Sunday, December 13th 2009 at 23:40 |
What a wonderful tradition. I had wished I had an older brother until I met my husband. He said I was lucky…he was horrible to his sister, two years younger than him. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone. For some reason his sister doesn’t remember that. She still likes him.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:23
The brother sister relationship is one of the most mystifying of all relationships. Each set will have a different take on it!
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 01:37 |
Cheerful Monk is so so right. My brother whom I truly love now, was constantly teasing and getting in my way, when we were children. I think it is just the way of older brothers. Now some of his antics just make good stories.
Ramana,
It is a beautiful tradition and I have always dreamed of being the older sister in a family. You know the one who bosses everyone around. I was the youngest and I believe that this is frequently the day-dream of a youngest member of the family. So beware! I could be really terrible if I thought I could get away with it.
Congratulations to Gaelikka on her quick response. If I were to ever have a younger sister, I would want one as talented and compassionate as I have found her to be thru her writings.
The photo that you chose is from my wedding day. I find it interesting that you chose that one although it is definitely a favorite of mine.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:22
Maria, our only sister is the youngest of four siblings. You have got to see her bossing the three elder brothers around to believe it.
The photo is from your “about” page. The only one I could lay my hands on for the post.
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 05:40 |
Can I be your sister? I have one of those string bracelets that you tie on your wrist:)
I listened to the BEST book on CD. THE NAMESAKE by Jhumpa Lahiri. I heard it years ago but didn’t remember any of it. Then I couldn’t relate to India’s ways or the people. After being there & knowing Ramana (sort-of you know), I saw the beauty of the book. It’s wonderful, well written, moving.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:11
BHB, nothing will give me greater pleasure than to have you for a sister. Do please send the string along asap, but in the meanwhile, I have become your brother in principle.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:20
I am sorry BHB, while I was typing the response, I was called away by the doorbell. Jumpa Lahiri and that particular book are favourites of mine too. I have not read anything better than her to handle the problem of reconciling the different cultures that the Indian diaspora faces in foreign lands.
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 07:02 |
You know, Ramana, I’m noticing a pattern here. Why is it that you “accidentally” have something happen, totally unintentional of course, that always brings more women into your life?
You are good man! I am becoming an Indian, for I’m beginning to sit at the feet of the master and learn!
Grannymar Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 17:57
Conrad, next you will want to go up the mountain!!!!!!!!
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 16:10
Conrad, when you sit physically at my feet and begin to learn more, I shall let you into the secrets. I hereby anoint you Honorary Indian, by the powers vested in me by Bharat Maatha. You can shed a couple of kilos trying to find that authority.
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 08:02 |
Gaelikaa now has a good brother! And Ramana, from all that I’ve learned about Gaelikaa, you now have a great sister! Joy to both of you! I have a younger brother who is still my good friend! In times of problems, he and my daughter are who I turn to. In cases of emergency, since he lives close by, he’s the one that gets those calls! Brothers are great!
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 15:57
Thank you Judy. I am sure that Gaelikaa is all that you say about her. I hope that I come up to her expectations though!
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 08:57 |
Conrad, I will be your sister if we don’t have to slit wrists like Maynard suggests.
Conrad Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 22:36
Oh, bhb, Maynard can be so extreme! Simply cutting our palms should be sufficient.
Welcome, my sister!
And, Ramana, might I say – this is a marvelous Indian tradition that you have. It resonates well within me.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 09:41
I intend taking up the offer made by Mayo.
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 09:15 |
Ramana Sir and Gaelikaa, my good wishes to both of you!:)
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 10:44 |
Ramanabhai, I am overwhelmed by your response to my suggestion! I have even inspired a blog post! I shall send my rakhi at the earliest opportunity!
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 12:35 |
I am totally in love with you, Bike Hike Babe. Which does not require you to be my mother, brother, sister or great grandfather – family being unreliable.
Ramana, the brother lark is pure Freud (I stand with Jung): You fancy someone and because there are only so many you can bed without charging them for your services you adopt them as ‘brothers’; which saves a lot of bother.
U
Anu Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 18:04
‘I just request you to keep the comments within the bounds of decency and decorum.’ That’s what the comment policy on this blog says. I felt the comment warranted that I reiterate that particular line from the policy. Wonder how difficult it is for you to comprehend something as simple as that! I know for a fact that we can never expect you to understand the sanctity of a sacred relationship like that of a brother-sister, but atleast the comment policy should have kept you from posting a comment like that. You didn’t read it or was it too simple a language for you to understand?
I’ve been a silent spectator all along and always wanted to stay away from a Frustrated ***** like you. But, I just couldn’t keep myself from commenting to what you’ve written here. I remember a psychology lecturer once telling the class that our perceptions of others are as distorted as our perception of our own self is.
Ursoolah! Thats how your name is pronounced if I’m right! I must say, you’re doing quiet a good job of being a *****. I guess its time everyone goes the Conrad and Grannymar way and kicks you out of their blogs!
BUZZ OFF URSULA!
Ursula Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 20:45
Self appointed for the self righteous and dearest Anu,
If you have something to say or call me, please do not use little star signs on the keyboard. I am illiterate as you know.
Ursula
Rummuser Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 20:53
The stars were inserted by me, the blog’s owner, by editing words that I believe do not belong in my blog.
Ashok Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 19:08
First of all many congratulations on the advanced Raksha Bandhan to both Ramana Sir and Gaelikaa.
@Ursula: Obviously you haven’t read my detailed blog post addressed to you. To be frank, I am finding it more and more difficult to defend your comments. While you may state that you were merely reiterating what Carl Jung said, the implications of your statement are capable (and likely so) of being interpreted as insulting and derogatory. This is the interpretation the reasonable person will be most inclined to adopt and as such your comment is quite aptly classified as anything but respectful. Extraordinary tolerance and the Holland definition of freedom of speech alone will come to your rescue, both of which is unnecessary, unreasonable to expect as well as absent in the real world. You would be wise to relook at your comment strategy and offer a suitable apology or atleast an explaination clarifying this matter.
Ursula Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 20:41
Ashok, comment in the post shortly, on your blog. Delete or not: It’ll sort the boy from the lawyer.
U
Rummuser Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 20:54
That is a sight that I would very much like to see on Ashok’s blog. Quite whether he allows you is yet to be seen.
Rummuser Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 20:58
I graduated from Freud, Jung et al perhaps before you were born. I strongly recommend that you study Viktor Frankl and Ernest Becker. You may well be able to understand human beings better and more importantly, you may benefit too.
I regret that I cannot allow this kind of commenting on my blog and am therefore advising you that I shall henceforth delete all comments posted by you in my blog.
Grannymar Reply:
December 14th, 2009 at 21:09
Perhaps the time has come to REPORT THIS REPEAT OFFENDER! The police take these things seriously.
Monday, December 14th 2009 at 21:00 |
Ramana, in your last comment you have climbed off your fence at last. Ashok will do as he sees fit. I trust him.
U
Ashok Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 00:04
@Ursula: I await your comment on my blog post with interest and eagerness. As far as my stand is concerned, I reiterate what I have stated in my address to you on my blog i.e., that you are welcome on my blog to express any opinion in favour of or against me without fear or apprehension. None the less this freedom is subject to the condition that you leave out those people who wish to be left out from the purview of your scrutiny and the scope of your comments.
Ashok Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 00:29
@Ursula: While I consciously excercise my choice to continue my invitation to you for my own blog, the same is against a strong word of caution, quite vociferously advocated impliedly and not expressedly, by many of your well… victims. None the less I strongly reiterate my protest and reservation about your comment on this post that instigated my response. I fail to see why you cannot accomodate tolerance when a post of a personal nature which is made in good faith in pursuance to a positive development in a person’s life, is made.
I haven’t shared a strong sibling bond with anyone myself personally but that doesn’t stop me from respecting and appreciating when one such bond develops amongst two people. It is precisely the beauty of such moments that kill my pessimistic views about humanity and proves that my faith in the thought of humans being a depraved lot is wrong. As a man training in the law, nobility amongst people is a luxury I seldom come accross. However such moments prove me wrong. I personally find being proved wrong in such cases rather pleasant and uplifting.
I am not the type to presume things, but perhaps you may want to consider writing yourself. It is a good way to look at oneself in the mirror and find a source of solace and support. I will not venture to use strong words like “spite” and “venom”, but perhaps your output is merely the reflection of a sense of being denied something which all of us deserve, but few of us get and even fewer of us sustain. Whatever maybe the problem, express communication would help clear the air once and for all.
Tuesday, December 15th 2009 at 02:07 |
Well, I don’t have any blood brothers or sisters. After all, the legalised vampire has a job finding any blood in my arms when they test me for this and that. As for sisters tying my wrists, well my sister did that to me once but I got my own back. That was a long time ago and she was two years younger than me.
To paraphrase someone on another forum: This month particularly, remember that the value of love and friendship is more than that of gold for both are beyond price.
Rummuser Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 09:38
Absolutely. When friendship can be taken to a different level of relationship, why not?
Tuesday, December 15th 2009 at 03:18 |
Quote”I will not venture to use strong words like “spite” and “venom, BUT…” You just did, Ashok (BTW That’s a person in the Wonderful book to which I just CD-listened. THE NAMESAKE by Jhumpa Lahiri)
Isn’t it best to say nothing, but block or delete any comments you don’t like?
I’m not singling you Ashok. Everybody is doing it. You’re attacking a person. Wasn’t that the whole objection in the first place?
Ashok Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 20:51
Ah, a valid point indeed bhb. My use of the term aims to reflect upon the general reaction people will infer at reading comments of such nature. As I have pointed out, the issue is not with Ursula but the lack of sensitivity and that is an issue, not a person. I wish to understand why there is such an unwilligness to adapt or change. My blog still welcomes her as a person subject to the condition I specified. None the less your concern is noted and where my comment suggests attacking a person, I apologise for that was not my intent.