Love – A New Take!
By Rummuser. Filed in People, Relationships, Sociology, Uncategorized |Tags: Anitdepressants, Attachment, Gender differences, Love, Lust, Reproduction, Women in the workforce
One of the definitions of love that has always made sense to me is by M. Scot Peck. “Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.” In my great big love affair that lasted forty plus years, this was the driving force right from the word go, as all my readers know.
I am also quite cynical about the very haphazard use of the word and keep looking for weird uses and some such uses have also been written about by me in some of my earlier posts. Like, I love hot dogs, or I love to smoke etc.
So, when the topic of love handled by a Biological Anthropologist, Helen Fisher came to my notice, I sat up and listened. In a fascinating lecture with TED, she takes one on a journey of discovery. Some of the statements that she makes might just tickle your curiosity enough to want to listen to her are given below.
“Love is not an emotion, it is a mechanical drive in the brain.”
“Human beings have learnt to tolerate the other individual long enough to reproduce.”
“Women entering the job market is going back to ancient times. 80% of the food for the day was brought home by the women in the times long past..We are simply moving forward to the past.”
“There are significant gender differences in the brains of men and women. Women and men are like two feet, needing each other to move.”
“There are more male geniuses in the world, but there are also more male idiots in the world.”
“Lust, romantic love and attachment can go together and/or exist simultaneously with others. In other words, one can love more than one person at the same time.”
“We are not animals made to be happy but to reproduce but we can develop serious attachments.”
Her considerable worry about the increasing use of antidepressants is worth listening to by itself. She concludes that particular subject with, “a world without love is a deadly place”.
I hope that I have primed you enough. Let me not keep you waiting. You can listen to her at TED.
Monday, December 28th 2009 at 19:42 |
Well, Ramana, and I quote “capable of living without each other but CHOOSE to live WITH each other”. That’s why my parents got married with my four year old self in attendance. My mother maintains to this day, and my siblings are not at all pleased about it, that if it had not been for me they [my siblings] wouldn’t exist.
I hasten to add that decades on, with everyone having flown the nest a long time ago, my parents still suffer each other quite happily.
As, according to my nature, I have to take issue with something otherwise my day is not worth living: It’s complete nonsense that men and women need each other like two feet in order to walk. What’s wrong with a crutch? Much less demanding on one’s time and resources.
U
Rummuser Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 11:23
Ursula, I have had the unfortunate necessity to use walkers and crutches on four separate occasions and even today, do not step outside my home without my walking stick as my companion. Among other things,I am known as Langda Sahib, which translates to “the lame sahib”. I can assure you, that it is not a pleasant or agreeable way to walk or live. Have you ever seen a crow or a sparrow with only one leg? I have seen many in our garden and when they fly, it is beautiful, but when they alight, it is a heart breaking sight.
Before March of this year, I was joined at the hips with a woman for over forty years. We were like two legs walking together. I am yet to learn to walk alone on my own. I have personal experience of that particular analogy to be impressed with Helen Fisher’s ability to articulate that sentiment so beautifully.
Ursula Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 16:55
Ramana, I am sorry about the flippancy in the last paragraph of my previous comment. I feel for you as much as one can when never having had the same experience.
Believe me: None of us four children look forward to the time when the first of our parents bites the dust. The ‘left over’ will be lost and, no doubt, wilt. Some years ago my mother said she hoped to go first. Which, I told her, is utterly selfish.
Ramana, I will never know what it’s like to be, as you say, “joined at the hip” for decades. Though I do know about loss – more than I care for.
As to crutches: Truth is I am useless at any incapacity. I am young, I am fit, I am strong, I am healthy and if there is that God I don’t believe in I hope he bloody well makes sure I’ll stay that way till the day I die (say age 120).
U
Rummuser Reply:
January 5th, 2010 at 20:26
How could you know? So, no need to flagellate yourself. I am old, mature, reasonably fit and strong for my age, and quite healthy, much to the disgust of my friend and GP, and my only hope is to go laughing to the crematorium. I have had my share of fun and have just got addicted to it.
Monday, December 28th 2009 at 23:45 |
I’ll stick with the Dalai Lama who says happiness is the purpose of life. It keeps me entertained figuring out how to do it.
Rummuser Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 11:16
In a slightly different approach, Vedanta says that you ARE happiness. You have just allowed ignorance to cloud the happiness.
Tuesday, December 29th 2009 at 00:16 |
For a personal view of the importance of happiness you might read http://www.expatmom.info/this-week/
Rummuser Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 11:15
I did. One of the success stories contrary to what Helen Fisher talks about in the case of abuse of anti depressants. Expatmom is indeed worthy of being a role model.
Tuesday, December 29th 2009 at 18:46 |
I watched Helen Fisher and was then distracted by real Love…. family stuff!
Rummuser Reply:
January 5th, 2010 at 20:22
You must go back and watch her Grannymar. She is something she is.