Wandering Mahila-Gen Now And Their Tomorrows
By Rummuser. Filed in Uncategorized |
One of the problems that I see all around me in India is the immense pressure being put on children to study and score high marks in their schools. I see children after school hours attending extra coaching classes or parents spending hours helping them with their studies and this eats into their playing time. They are also burdened with so many books that is agonizing to see them carry these in their back packs. More home work is given to them than what I remember as having been the case when I was young. This is as applicable to children as young as three or four years old, as to older teen agers. The competitive spirit to enable the parents to crow about their children’s scholastic achievements is in some ways quite morbid. This is not how I remember our school days. We had plenty of time to play and stop to just fool around and that our children do not have this any more is saddening.
It is with this background that I post this blog as a guest post from my sister Padmini who writes regularly for various magazines. This appeared in the Eves Times On Line, an emagazine targeted at the Indian woman. “Mahila” in Hindi means woman.
The popular saying is that the youth are the future. I look at it differently. The youth are the present and need to work from today for a better future. It does not matter what age they are. Each one has to work to potential and parents have a big role in this endeavour.
That does not mean that parents have to turn into ‘Old men/women and the sea’ and ride piggyback on their kids shoulders. Dreams are individual visions that can be fulfilled or let to fall by the wayside.
My greatest grief is that kids are not allowed to dream their own dreams. They are chosen to fulfill family, school and college managements’ and society’s dreams. Have you recently seen a kid just standing and watching the world go by? Have you seen a child pick up a shell, a stone, a piece of something or the other and just look at it with wonder? Have you seen a youngster look at a rainbow in the sky with wonderment or think whether the thick bank of clouds will bring rain or weave myriad patterns in the sky? (It is another matter that their hands and mouth are busy interacting with their mobiles and their vision is concentrated elsewhere with alarming consequences like accidents sometimes!)
My daughter used to think that in Paris every other child was called ‘Huit’. She observed that mothers used to drag their kids walking rapidly ahead and say ‘huit huit’. She later found out that it meant ‘hurry up’ and not the given name of the child. How many adults have the patience to measure their strides to the shorter ones of children when they walk holding hands? Older people expect children to walk at their speed. Another sight that scandalised my daughter was the leash that Moms used on main streets in London to control and rein in their children. Leashes were something associated with dogs and not children in her mind.
When we match strides with our kids then we know where they are going. They need not necessarily stride on the path that you have been used to walking on. Yes! They can walk some distance with you, but soon they must take the ‘road less travelled’ or ‘not taken’ as Robert Frost spoke of so beautifully. Years later our roads will meet but it will be the older one who follows the child trying to match his/her strides. At that time it is for the younger one to adjust their stride to the parent’s slower one.
Let our children dream. It is not necessary for them to add every kind of skill and craft to their CV’s. If they are truly interested in something they will evince an interest. Then we can encourage them to follow it. I see parents applying so much pressure on their kids….look at them on the reality shows on TV where they sing, dance, joke like little puppets under the stern gaze of their parents. The threat of losing is reflected more on the parent’s face than the child.
Are parents putting their children on sale? I had a co-traveler who was going to Mumbai to shop for clothes and accessories because her ten year old daughter had been given her first chance to model for a health drink! You can see in shops the kind of clothes that are being sold and bought for under- nubile kids. They are imitations of revealing teenage and designer clothes. Skirts are shorter, tops are skimpier, straps are thinner and dropping off shoulders. Then we talk of paedophiles and leering satyrs. The kids sing double entendre and vulgar songs that have lyrics way beyond their ages and comprehension. Young children are being pushed into adult concepts, feelings and ambitions even before they can stand on their two feet. The TRP hungry media encourages children to ape their parents and sadly the parents feel flattered!
The current mind set is to talk about tomorrow and ignore the present forgetting that this very moment is the most valuable moment of our life. Let kids live their dreams and lives in the now. The big, bad world is awaiting them anyway!
Wednesday, March 10th 2010 at 10:29 |
Wonderful post. Well done!
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:40
Thank you.
Wednesday, March 10th 2010 at 13:11 |
I have to get in here before grannymar does – the bit about parents/children and their strides is sooo true. Mum used to keep to my pace as a young child as she walked me to and from school, holding my hand and hearing every detail of the day as it had happened (even if, in my excitement, I usually spoke too fast for her to catch every word). As I grew older, our stride patterns matched as we were similar heights.
In the last few years, before her hip replacement, mum had slowed down a lot and I had to check myself and my speed, which was easiest to do by taking her arm in mine.
Now that the hip is well healed, I’m looking forward to seeing her in a few weeks and finding out if she can keep up again! Challenge is on mammy!
P.S. Don’t forget to wish grannymar a happy birthday today!
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:40
I hope that when the challenge is met, your Mammy will post about the outcome.
Wednesday, March 10th 2010 at 13:36 |
Oh so true! I deplore the explotation of our children by hurrying them, dressing them like adults etc.
Trying to give them those moments to let their imaginations soar is getting more & more difficult, sadly. But I’m not giving up anytime soon.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:39
Brighid, we need a whole army of you around!
Wednesday, March 10th 2010 at 15:06 |
Maybe its just because I’m around your age Ramana, but this really struck a chord.There are aspects of my childhood that I really wouldn’t want to wish on my kids, but there was simply more real personal kid space then.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:38
I would not either and that is another thing that we have in common. Yet another thing in common is that for me too there was a lot of personal space when I was growing up with some hiccups now and then.
Wednesday, March 10th 2010 at 20:24 |
Thank you Padmini and Ramana for a wonderful post. I think Padmini read my thoughts. I am fortunate to have a little boy age 6 across the road from me. I love to watch him at play, totally lost in his own world, so much so that one day I walked over to take a photo and he was oblivious of me. The photo was wonderful and naturally I gave it to his mum. If I am in my garden he will come over to help me hunt for bugs and insects and just like Elly he talks non stop!
I loved Elly’s hot little hand in mine as we walked, skipped or jogged to school all those years ago. That memory will never leave me.
Elly, are you telling the world about my Birthday?
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:36
Ah, Elly. I have seen the photographs of that little girl in your blogs and can easily imagine what a treat she must have been for you.
Wednesday, March 10th 2010 at 23:06 |
I entirely agree with most of that, though I think people are panicking too much about children’s “sexualisation”. Children in so-called sexy clothes are probably mostly unaware of the implications adults get so steamed up about. To most of them, it’s just dressing like mummy.
The other thing I would add is that children’s imaginations aren’t encouraged enough, a lot of the time they’re force-fed with facts and pre-digested material to be regurgitated in exams with no opportunity to think for themselves. Only children with an active imagination will make the most of their adult lives.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:35
Nick, you must read this http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/the-school-that-turned-to-montessori-to-beat-gangs-1920114.html
There is still hope, if only such initiatives are taken to their logical conclusion. I am a product of the Montessori system as is my son and we seem to have done quite well in life.
Thursday, March 11th 2010 at 01:09 |
It’s not just children who need moodling time.
Thursday, March 11th 2010 at 08:31 |
Hi All
Thanks so much for all the validation. I am tempted to join your group regularly but doubt whether I will have the single minded commitment that my bro RR has.
Anyway, I shall be a guest blogger whenever I can.
God bless you all. Ta RR!
Padmini
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:28
I shall be your voice dear.
Thursday, March 11th 2010 at 08:42 |
Ramana I hated school, and although later on I wished I could have learnt more, there was no way I could have stayed there. I left at 14 and went to work full time.
I think there is far too much pressure being put on the youth today to perform well in school. I told my boys not to worry about it, just do the best they could.
Some years ago some close family friends lost their son due to too much pressure to perform well in school, he hung himself from a street tree outside their home.
Le Loup.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:28
There is not a day that passes in India that does not report one or more suicides by under-performing students. The incidence goes up immediately after the results of examinations come out. Sad.
Thursday, March 11th 2010 at 08:54 |
What a touching post, Ramana. The world is speeding up and dragging little souls with it, not realising that they need time – time to grow into themselves.
In an effort to prepare our youngsters for adulthood, we’re skipping that necessary stage of development – childhood. Play serves a purpose. As does work. Finding the balance and teaching our children how to balance will serve them well in adulthood, so that they can live full and fulfilled lives.
“The youth are the present…” – love this phrase.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:26
Thank you Marianna. Having brought up my son differently, and he having turned out to be a first class human being, I do not understand the new desire for such attitudes. Nor do many of the grand parents in my age group who see this happening and are unable to do anything about it.
Thursday, March 11th 2010 at 18:42 |
What would the world be if we flipped it all on it’s head? Children play and learn, but school doesn’t begin until you’re 18. You work until you die.
Childhood is the most vibrant time of anyone’s lives, and the chances are more of us will be seeing that time.
It’s a shame really, that life is dictated by numbers and letters.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:24
GrapeMe, you will have parents out to chase you to the end of the world.
Thursday, March 11th 2010 at 20:10 |
All nations are in a mad contest to be the TOP. That’s why all the push to educating children, so that they will later produce the new technology, which is $$$. The U.S. used to have the best educated kids, but now we’re 13th in the world, math & science suffering the most.
When we went to school there wasn’t so much to learn. “Reading, Writing & Arithmetic”
Now with all the technology piled on each year, there is so much more to learn.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:24
BHB, I learnt how to use the computer in my late fifties by a hands on, do or die basis. I have learn to handle many so called hitech items like mobile phones, remote control sets etc without too much difficulty. So, what technology are we talking about? It was school and college drop outs that have produced some of the modern hi tech items. Look at Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.
bikehikebabe Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 20:18
Here’s where that “Thinking out of the box” comes into use. Education teaches you to think.
bikehikebabe Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 22:30
P.S. Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard to start his business.
Children need to be encouraged to do well in school or there will be no more Bill Gateses.
Thursday, March 11th 2010 at 23:27 |
I agree with what you posted, Ramana. I think part of the problem is that parents are trying to fulfill their own goals and not those of the children.
My oldest granddaughter was on the computer from breakfast until bed time. I objected and her father (my ex son-in-law) pointed out how much she was learning. I told him it wasn’t what she was doing that created the problem; it was what she wasn’t doing like playing, being in the fresh air and socializing.
Of course, my advice was not heeded so I learned to bite my tongue until it bled.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:21
I sympathize with your predicament. Luckily I have no problems as I am not yet a grand father, but my brother has recently been having similar problems.
Friday, March 12th 2010 at 16:46 |
Now I am not surprised when I see Indian school students doing calculus, we don’t get to see all the differentials until we start graduation. BoingBoing recently had a story about an indian movie that covered this problem nicely, I don’t know if you follow them.
Great article by your sis !
Padmini Natarajan Reply:
March 14th, 2010 at 20:34
Dear Chris
The movie you are talking about is called ‘Three Idiots’ (in English though it is a Hindi movie). It is placed in the IIT, a premium group of institutions that has the creme de la creme students from all over India to have a technical education. The movie is a huge hit and talks about students creative callings in contrast to parental aspirations.
RR you should write about learning tables and mental maths and how you went back to Grade 12 maths in your MBA to get a good grounding!! That would find resonance in many minds.
Rummuser Reply:
March 14th, 2010 at 23:32
Good suggestion. Shall do so soon.