The Opposite Sex.
By Rummuser. Filed in Uncategorized |
Welcome to another post of the Friday Loose Bloggers’ Consortium when eleven of us post on the same topic chosen by one of us. Today’s topic has been chosen by Ashok. Understandable, at his age!
Please do visit Ashok, Conrad, Grannymar, Magpie11, Maria, Gaelikaa, Helen, Judy, Anu and Ginger to see ten other views on the same topic. Some of these bloggers may be preoccupied with examinations, family problems and/or romance, so be a little indulgent in case they do not post or post late.
The opposite sex! What will we do without them and what can we do with them?
In the Indian philosophical system, not by any means as practiced now, but in the times gone by, there was no ‘opposite’ sex. There were two genders, each destined to carry out certain functions as destiny willed. Indians accepted that each gender contained within it traits of the other. A male contained more male traits but had some female traits and a female had more female traits and some male traits.
This acceptance of difference but unity is represented as our Gods inevitably being depicted with their spouses as pinnacles of perfection. This thought aptly depicted Shiva and Parvati as Ardhanarishwara. Half-woman-God.
In India, the wife is called Sahadharmini. The word means one who participates with equal rights, in upholding Dharma’. Dharma means the righteous duty one has to perform in this life. Where is the question of her being an ‘opposite’?
In my case, which is perhaps unusual, I have been performing the roles of a male and a female with panache for the past ten years. When my father moved in with us in December of 2008, he found that totally scandalous and tried his level best to stop me from cooking, washing up etc till he realized that his efforts were futile and I will not change. Before that, when I was trotting the globe, my late wife Urmeela performed the functions of both mother and father at home with equal panache.
So, I personally do not like the term “Opposite Sex”. Apart from some physical differences and functions, there is little opposite to each other.
My problem is in coming to grips with Same Sex Relationships. Not that I am a homophobe, just some peculiarities that need to be resolved.
An friend of mine is the father of a homosexual male, who got married to another male. I am yet to gather the courage to ask my friend what he calls his new in-law. A son in law or a daughter in law. In that particular relationship who is the husband and who is the wife? I suppose the same will be the dilemma for female homosexuals too. I understand that the term used is ‘partner’ in both cases, and if it is so, does that person become a partner in law for my friend? Being Indian and very particular about giving the correct name for relatives, this should give some problems to most of us if we get into such a predicament. It is also difficult to imagine one being the opposite sex in same sex relationships!
In India, we are still new to this concept though the odd marriage between same sex consenting adults gets news coverage and recently there has been a lot of dust raised because of a supreme court ruling on homosexuality. This article in the New York Times gives a fairly accurate assessment of the situation.
Today’s paper talks about gay couple getting married in Washington DC on the first day that such marriages have been made legal. Two ladies who got married said that both called the other as the wife, so that if anything happens to one of them, they will have rights. Do both then become daughters in law?
My readers from the West with longer exposure to such freedom may be able to enlighten me on the correct nomenclature!
Friday, March 12th 2010 at 21:06 |
Why not call them by their first names and not make life com-plicated?
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:19
If ever I have to, I shall do precisely that.
Friday, March 12th 2010 at 21:11 |
Yes, if two women marry, then they become daughters in law to their prospective inlaws.
I find your interpretation of the sexes very interesting. I never really thought about it before, but men and women do share some common traits. But could it be that the traits we think of as “feminine” or “masculine” are subjective to the culture in which we live? For example, I have always been told that men in Europe tend to have more of what we in the West would term “feminine” qualities. Why do they have them? Because in their culture they are acceptable. I think the unacceptance of these qualities might be part of what makes some men question whether or not they are “gay”. I know there are some men who, from a young age feel attraction to men, but there are others who begin to question their sexuality when they are older. I think it could possibly be because we in the West do not embrace feminine qualities in men.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:19
We live in strange times Delirious. I am frankly lost. I am however neutral on the subject of same sex relationships in so far as it is between consenting adults. There are however some nasty things that go on around many parts of the world which I abhor like pedophilia.
Friday, March 12th 2010 at 21:19 |
My sense about “opposite sex” is really that this began as something else, was abbreviated, and then the abbreviation was misunderstood.
It is related to “opposites attract”, which has to do with the character of those who marry. Thus, an organized male will marry a ditzy wife, while a disciplined, intelligent wife will marry a scatter brained male.
I tend to see gay marriage as unnatural, but the gay psyche is one that requires agitating and making public statements, so the forces that produce gay marriage are totally different.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:16
That is certainly an unusual sense about the roots of the term. Quite interesting too.
Friday, March 12th 2010 at 22:18 |
Does that mean that Indian wives are considered to be goddesses?
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:15
I do not know about many others, but for me my wife was and continues to be one. I know a few others who feel the same way too.
Saturday, March 13th 2010 at 03:09 |
I love the concept of no “opposite sex”! How lovely! It seems to me that since this is the case – that each person contains both male and female traits – homosexuality should be easy to reconcile. Some of my gay (but not married, especially in my xenophobic/homophobic state (Texas)) friends have much healthier relationships than my more conservative ones..
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:14
Unfortunately, I do not have any homosexual acquaintances. I do have a relative who has been married officially in the UK the past few years and I do not know quite how that arrangement has turned out to be.
Saturday, March 13th 2010 at 04:49 |
I can’t help with the terms that should be used for gay couples, but I do know that they share the same traits as lifelong partners as do those in conventional marriages.
My ex son-in-law has a a gay uncle and he and his partner started living together when the uncle was only 19 years old. I didn’t know them until they were middle aged, but they acted just like any other couple who had been married for that length of time. Their arguments were the same as the ones you hear in many straight households. Neither one dressed in feminine attire so I think you would refer to both as ‘husbands.’
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:13
There was one particular film, The Bird Cage starring Robin Williams that fascinated me for showing two men living together and the depiction was quite tastefully done if somewhat over done in bits. Even in that, despite it being a comedy, I still could not fathom what the boy would call his father’s partner.
Saturday, March 13th 2010 at 08:45 |
I don’t think I have much to say on same sex marriage, it gives me afeeling of not being right, but it is their right and if one of my sons had been gay, then I would support him in every way I could.
What I don’t understand is men’s attitude to women being better than they are in some things, and men that are house husbands. Certain sports will not allow men and women to compete together, and many men dislike women doing what has traditionally been known as men’s work.
I am a house husband, I do housework and work outside whilst my wife goes to work. She is younger than me and I am retired from paid work. Men will coplain that something in the house has not been done, but they will not think of doing it themselves.
Recently I was able to watch a recording of “Frontier House”, a PBS TV series about modern families experiencing a frontier lifestyle for several months. The period was in the 1880s. Their experience brought out the best and the worst in everyone, and one chap definately had a problem with not being able to “controle” his wife! A series well worth watching in my opinion if you get the opportunity.
Regards, Le Loup. PS. There are some clips on my blog, not the best, but all I could find.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:07
I have been to your blog LL and I find the clips fascinating.
The PBS series is not aired in India unfortunately.
Saturday, March 13th 2010 at 13:40 |
My forecast in statistic is… if the trend of gay marriage grow up then the trend of plastic surgery by women will go down.
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:06
Tikno, out of the box thinking once again. I salute you.
Saturday, March 13th 2010 at 14:21 |
The sexes are far more similar than opposite. Our bodies are much the same apart from the sexual and gender aspects, and our minds are much the same apart from the differences produced by hormones, DNA etc. Most of us are far more versatile than traditional gender roles suggest, and can do many of the things supposedly only “natural” to the other sex. The sooner we get rid of all these artificial divisions the better.
I don’t know which terms are most appropriate for same-sex couples either, but common sense can usually find a practical answer!
Rummuser Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 17:05
The most uncommon thing Nick, common sense!
Sunday, March 14th 2010 at 19:10 |
Your query to the western world for enlightenment on this question is well founded. During my work with Naz foundation at Delhi last november, a friend of mine, admitted to being gay requested me to help him find some section in the IPC which he could use to ward off any attempts by his family to emotionally blackmail him into marrying a girl. Indian families are yet to become fully enlightened on the topics of dealing with a gay family member, I am afraid.
Rummuser Reply:
March 14th, 2010 at 23:37
I must send you a joke that is doing the email rounds and shall by email.
Sunday, March 14th 2010 at 23:48 |
Again, we are learning something new and it is very interesting that half man half woman thing. When you think about it, it is very correct and both of us agree that it is stupid to call the other the opposite sex. Thank you. About gays, I have strong opinions and would rather not comment and I hope that you wont mind.
Rummuser Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 18:08
Not at all.
Monday, March 15th 2010 at 02:35 |
I think in a gay or lesbian marriage there should be a husband and wife. I am saying this because there are biological factors that bring the two together, and remember; likes do not attract each other, only the opposite attrack each other. If two males attract each other it means one of them has more female hormones and that one should be called wife. In the case of lesbians, mostly one of them pretends to be the male and woos the other, so that one becomes the husband. I think if the parents want to use a word that does not distinguish between the sexes, they should use the word “Child in law”.
Looney Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 04:05
Lizwi, if you are trying to come up with consistent guidelines, you need to keep in mind that gays and lesbians never talk about themselves in isolation. It is always LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered), so the theory/theology must accommodate Bisexual and Transgendered or it will be deemed discriminatory and evil. A Bisexual marriage necessarily involves at least three people, as the Roman emperor Nero had. In the classical times, Gay relationships were mostly between older men and boys, sort of like a Catholic priest and an altar boy. I guess the priest is the “husband” and the boys are the “wives”?
Rummuser Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 18:07
Lizwi, Looney has an interesting take on this subject. I tend to agree with you and it would indeed be a good idea to just call the new relative, child in law.
Tuesday, March 16th 2010 at 01:20 |
Looney, I get your point. This is an interesting but sensitive issue. I wonder what happens when they adopt children, who is called mother or father? I suppose authorities who deal with child adoptions need to know the person who will play the role of the mother.
Thursday, March 18th 2010 at 18:01 |
it’s their right, everybody has his own choice…