Ragging is a practice that India inherited from Britain which has assumed serious proportions so much so that much legislation at the states and central levels have been introduced.
I was all along under the impression that this must be something peculiar to our educational system till I read about the horrendous suicide of a young Irish immigrant to the USA who was bullied by her schoolmates. Very similar to what Indian raggers do to some younger students – drive them to suicide.
It seems so pointless and cruel, but today I have been jolted out of my complacency about the matter with a devastating indictment of parents by Richard Cohen in the Washington Post who throws a very interesting point of view, perhaps not shared by to those it should matter most, the parents. I particularly am fascinated with his statement “As could be expected, some people do not think that either the kids or their parents (if any) are responsible. They point instead to the lack of funding for sufficient youth violence prevention programs. Mine, as I recall, was a withering look from my father.”
How apt and what a shame that we are not willing to stand up and accept this single factor being important. On reflection, it is true in India that the parents have not done their job with the raggers, as otherwise, ragging cannot take place. We too have gone overboard with legislation, taking the teachers and heads of institutions to be responsible and have not attempted to address the parents squarely for this development.
What makes it so? Is it that our establishment is taking away the responsibility of bringing up children from parents and giving it to the state with penal provisions rather than any preventive measures? What is it that we are not doing right here?
Bullying is widespread in the UK in many areas – school, work, housing estates, politics, you name it. And it is usually ignored rather than taken seriously and stopped. We are all responsible for it, and we all have a duty to nip it in the bud. That means parents, teachers, managers, the police and anyone in a position of influence who knows it’s going on. To ignore it just means a huge toll of psychological damage and misery.
Rummuser Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 19:48
I could not agree more. I however think that while all the others have to play a role, parents must take greater responsibility as, our generation’s parents did.
There are probably many factors causing America to produce an uncivilized next generation. One factor of many is academia. I haven’t been reading what psychologists say, but an earlier generation complained about Dr. Spock and the psychologists’ school of parenting. Apparently they thought it immoral to raise a child that wasn’t primarily in the feral state. Add in the government paying women to kick the husband/father out of the house (i.e. welfare) and it is a wonder we don’t have more bullying.
Rummuser Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 19:47
Here is another point of view on the matter. I find the last sentence amusing, to say the least. Will you be able to enlighten me? http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/06/AR2010040601901.html?wpisrc=nl_opinions
Looney Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 02:32
Normally I like Mona Charen, but that wasn’t one of her better essays!
Sir, during our conversation when were talking about teen troubles, you mentioned that things were not so bad in your time. I am inclined to agree and I can’t help but wonder if my generation is overzealous to find something negative to hold on to. As much as I am shocked at the behaviour of the perpetrators in the said case, what worries me more is their seeming indifference to the suicide they instigated and abetted. I would want them counselled to the extent where they feel that guilt and leave it there.
Ursula Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 10:45
Ah, Ashok, yes, the “good” old times. Wait a few years and you too will reminisce how much “better” everything was in YOUR time – as has done every generation back to the mists of time. No disrespect to Ramana.
I believe your voice of reason (as stated in your last sentence) considered and the only appropriate approach. What is easily forgotten that cases like that girl’s suicide are the exception not the rule. There always have been, always will be, people who crack under pressure more easily than others.
What I resent (bitterly) that, with the help of overblown media reports, clever headline writers and lack of intuition and intelligence on the readers’ part, whole swathes of a generation are vilified. Any so-called “grown up” allowing that broad brush across the board should hang their head in shame.
U
Ashok Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 20:11
Agreed and conceded to Ursula
Yes, why oh why is everything nowadays someone else’s responsibility? My own view is that it’s an unplanned side effect of our nanny state in the UK. Treat us like kids and we all begin to display the very worst childhood traits. But it’s never our fault. Good to see someone else feeling the same as I do.
While bullying is in the media today, it is not a totally new phenomena in America. My wife and I both endured it over 40 years ago and both of our daughters endured it in their school. It seems, though, that it has gotten worse in recent years.
Part of the problem is with the new social interactions that technology has made possible. Bullying via the internet or cell phones has only been possible relatively recently.
Kids are committing suicide after being bullied at school, on the phone, on the computer. My granddaughter in Sweden had that. She had rocks thrown at her at the school bus stop by a group of girls. Didn’t tell her (psychologist) mother until much later. Not telling happens a lot, because one thinks it will only get worse. She changed schools & now has lots of friends.
Happened to a grandson repeatedly on the playground. He told the teacher. She had him tell his story in front of the class. This was years ago.
He was extra nice to the girl; sent her a I love you type card. Now they are good friends.
Barranca School across the street has a program– Bully-No-More. It’s working.
Yes, yes, yes, the schools & parents must not allow bullying. Children must be taught to report any of that which they see.
Ragging is a form of bullying and helps create and maintain a culture of bullying; but not all bullying is ragging. Ragging sometimes involves threats.
An indifferent attitude is the culprit. It’s not that people are not affected by the prevalent ragging cases or the spate of suicides happening due to it. It’s just that this issue seems relevant or important only when one’s near and dear ones have gone through it or worst, one himself/herself has faced it.
Please, don’t confuse ragging with bullying
women’s swimwear
Rummuser Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 10:22
I believe that it is just semantics that differentiates the two. The desire in both is to make the other miserable.
What point do you wish to drive in when you are hinting at parents? Well, of course, no parent would instil wrong values in their children. It’s just that at an impressionable age, a youngster doesn’t understand the consequences of harmful fun involved in ragging. What they require is counselling from the establishment.
Rummuser Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 10:21
The point is precisely what you identify. Why counseling by the establishment? Should the parents abdicate their responsibility to bring up their children?
Parents have to be involved in their children’s lives and know their children’s friends and activities.
My elder son, a quiet fellow, faced some bullying behaviour from other kids throughout his earlier years. I always made it clear that I was ready to go to the school and meet the teachers to complain if necessary, as was his father. Happily, the problem was resolved before it came to that level in all but one incidence. One time some kids were calling him an ‘Angrez’ (Brit!) and I complained to his class teacher about it. That was enough to stop it.
A girl in my daughter’s (13) class recently started an fb ‘hate page’ against two unpopular girls in the class. I called up the girl concerned and asked her to delete the page and told her that it could become serious if the school authorities got to know about it. I instructed my daughter to stay away from this activity. In a couple of days, the storm blew over and the page was deleted. Probably not because of me, but I am just as happy if the girls came to their senses by themselves.
Parents need to take full responsibility for their children. Alas, the modern world we live in allows them to abdicate at lightening speed. Send the child to crèche, play-school, kindergarten and on to proper school with a child-minder to pick them up and entertain them until bedtime! The excuse is that two salaries are needed to pay mortgages, the car etc. This is a load of Bull in my book. Single parents manage without that all important second wage. Not having designer gear to wear or up to the minute technology will not stunt growth. Just look how very young children often discard the ‘toy’ and play with the box! There is no need to have a TV in every room.
A child is a precious gift for life and not available on a sale or return basis, or the latest ‘must have’ to be shelved when the shine washes off.
gaelikaa Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 19:23
Yes, I agree. We are managing to bring up our four kids all right despite the naysayers who prophesied that our life was ‘ruined’. It’s nice that our kids are learning to share their stuff with each other. I think it’s more healthy.
Once my mother visited me here for a few months. We were out visiting someone and we came across a couple (who were Christian, as it happened!) and they were going on about how they were so fortunate to have one daughter because they could ‘give her everything’. My mother excused herself and went out and sat in the garden. When I found her there after a couple of minutes, and asked her why she left the room she told “I never heard such rubbish in all my life. I couldn’t listen to it for another second.”
My point is not that bigger families are great and smaller ones are not. I know Grannymar, that you have one, and so has Ramana. The point is that the best thing that we can give our children is our time and our attention. All else is secondary.
Rummuser Reply:
April 10th, 2010 at 17:35
Gaelikaa, yes, Grannymar and I have one child each. Knowing Ranjan very well and quite a bit about Eleanor, I can’t imagine having more than one of that type. It would drive me up a gum tree!
Rummuser Reply:
April 10th, 2010 at 17:41
Grannymar, all that you say happens here too. I have written about it earlier. Moreover, the children are being brought up without allowing them to grow at their pace with plenty of play time and extra curricular activities. The burn out/drop out rate is going up as is the incidence of suicides and stress among students.
Grannymar & gaelikaa, I love the two of you. What you say rings bells.
Rummuser Reply:
April 10th, 2010 at 17:33
BHB, booooooohooooooooo. What about me?
That goes without saying. I love you & what you say always rings bells.
A few days ago I saw a so-called “expert” on television giving advice to parents of children who are bullied. She spurted out such drivel as “Tell your child to talk to a teacher about the bullying, but not to tattle on the bully,” and “Talk to your child about the possible reasons the bully is acting out.”
Come on! Really? How about “Be an adult and go to the school and handle this for your child.”