Delirious has an interesting post “The Trials Of Being An Only Child” in her blog.
My son Ranjan is an only child, and to the best of my recollection he has never had a ‘No’ for an answer from his parents, ever. He was and is clever enough to ask for only those things for which he would not get a ‘No’ for an answer.
The issue that I wish to address however is not whether he should have got some ‘No’s. It is too late to worry about that now.
The story that Delirious conveys brings to mind a story that my Guru Swami Dayananda Saraswati, uses to highlight the value of values. I relate the story in a much abridged form.
A childless couple adopt a street urchin who they regularly see near their home eating whatever he can scavenge from the thrown away packets and the waste bins. They clean him up, and arrange for him to go to school and the mother becomes very fond of the child and teaches him about his new station in life and how he should behave.
Every day, the child would get dressed in the school uniform and go to the near by school and just before leaving the house, the mother would give him a chocolate to have some time during the day. It once so happens that on the way to the school itself, the child unwraps the chocolate to eat and the nice bar falls on the road.
At this point, Swamiji would pause and ask the audience as to what the child would do. The answers would inevitably be either that the changed circumstances would make the child to ignore the fallen chocolate, or that he would pick it up, dust it up a bit and eat it. Swamiji would say that the most possible scenario would be that the child will first look around to see if any one was observing and then would pick up the chocolate to eat or not depending on the situation. He would add that if the situation permitted, the child would pick up the chocolate and perhaps as a concession to its current status and knowledge, instead of eating the bar, would first dust it before biting into it.
The point is that the child’s values have changed, but not its desires. Then of course, Swamiji would proceed to elaborate, which is not the thrust of this post.
I almost wondered if the child would leave the candy on the road for another orphan to find.
Delirious recently posted..The Trials of Being an Only Child
Rummuser Reply:
March 29th, 2012 at 20:11
That would have been a newly acquired value!
The child in me would leave it because we were conditioned that what fell on the street was dirty. Mind you, if it fell on the kitchen floor that was considered ‘clean’ dirt!
Grannymar recently posted..Food Monday ~ Almond Squares
Rummuser Reply:
March 29th, 2012 at 20:13
Our values are because we are conditioned. We get conditioned at childhood but nothing stops us from changing them at need. The point was that the mother was acting in such a way because she thought that Delirious was listening.
I don’t believe the child’s values have changed. He still values chocolate highly and now he also values not getting caught violating the new social norms. So if no one is looking chocolate it is. He satisfies both values.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Worried Bear
Rummuser Reply:
March 29th, 2012 at 20:14
So, what value was the mother exhibiting?
As Cheerful Monk says, he still values chocolate highly. But what he has learnt to do is make a risk assessment. He reckons that the pleasure of eating the chocolate is worth the small risk of picking up a bug. He has also learnt that a risk assessment is a more intelligent response to the situation than blindly following the rules i.e. leaving the chocolate on the ground.
Nick recently posted..Prim and proper
Cheerful Monk Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 01:56
I agree it’s risk assessment, but if he thought the risk was picking up a bug he wouldn’t make his decision based on whether or not someone was watching.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Worried Bear
Rummuser Reply:
March 29th, 2012 at 20:16
Then, the snob value wins hands down!
Rummuser Reply:
March 29th, 2012 at 20:15
Doing the proper thing when someone is watching and doing something else when no one is, is a value acquired due to change in circumstances.
Whether it’s a risk assessment or not, it’s like not washing your hands in a restroom if no one is there to see you. Studies on this have found it’s more often the case.
Rummuser Reply:
March 29th, 2012 at 20:17
Trust you to mention the unmentionable. Brilliant metaphor. I doff my topi to you.
Values are really important for kids. Your story is wonderful.
Kids can be very responsible if they have values and they will have a good character.