How People Get Together.
By Rummuser. Filed in People |Tags: Arranged Marriages, Love Marriages, Marriage
There is a fantastic post by Stacey called ’25 Random Things, Facts, Habits, and Goals’ on her blog ‘Create A Balance’. It is worth a read and I hope that you will and find out a great deal about her in that post.
Among the many things that Stacey writes about, the most fascinating is how she and her husband spent their very first few days in the hospital nursery together! They have known each other for that long!
Since I read that, I have not been able to get over this wonderful story. I have heard many stories about how married couple met each other but this was completely out of the box as it were.
This also gave me the idea to write about how Urmeela and I met and eventually got married. In India particularly, this story forty years ago was unusual in that most marriages were “Arranged” by the parents of both the people involved as it is today, but not to the same extent. Today, a “Love Marriage” as it is called when the boy and the girl meet without the aegis of their parents, court and get married, are not as rare as during our time, forty one years ago.
I first met Urmeela in 1961 at Hyderabad. Yes, there is no typo there, 1961. I had the good fortune of having for a very close friend, her late brother. Both of us were salesmen, with different companies but who used to meet for tea or coffee regularly in a tea shop. At the end of each working day, we would also meet at a bar for a couple of drinks. I used to ask Urmeela out for a movie or dinner once in a way as I would a male friend and we would simply go out and return. In fact, I was going steady with another girl at that time, and I would take her to Urmeela’s home to meet up with the family as other members of the family were also almost like family to me.
In 1962, I shifted residence and jobs and went away to Chennai. Except for a brief meeting in Mumbai in 1966 when Urmeela had an one woman show at the Taj Art Gallery, we did not meet in the interim period. In 1968, I was given a short duration posting at Hyderabad again and we met up with each other all over again. There still was no big romance or anything like that happening and we used to enjoy each other’s company and catch a movie and dinner together on and off. One day, I simply asked her to marry me as we seemed to enjoy each other’s company, and lo and behold she said yes!
Now for some more information. Both of us were known to many people, some, her friends and family and some mine. From both opposite sides, we were advised to stay clear of marriage as the other was not suited for marriage and was a maverick. Well wishers indeed! We got married nevertheless and have survived each other’s ‘maverickness’ successfully these past forty plus years.
She was certainly one apple that was on the top branch who waited. I have already been certified as being fine wine by Conrad.
I bet that there are other Apples and wine stories out there waiting to be told. Why don’t you share?
Friday, February 6th 2009 at 18:24 |
Oh wow, what a lovely story and inspiring too! I bet Ms Urmeela’s brother was happy that you and his siter got married because he knows you for a long time as a his friend. I love the fact that even if there was no romance really at first, it worked out perfectly! God is goos to both of you!
chubskulit´s last blog post..Women’s Jeans
Rummuser Reply:
February 6th, 2009 at 20:18
@chubskulit, Rose, I wish that I could tell you what my friend told me! We continued to be the greatest of friends till he passed away. He was by my bedside after two of my major surgeries and cared for me like no nurse could have ever done.
Friday, February 6th 2009 at 18:31 |
That was pretty brave of you Mr. Ramana to asked her for marriage, I am glad that she accepted your proposal. I think God led you to her.
But anyhow, my wife and I met online. I thought it will never work because she seemed to not interested with me at first. I courted her for 4 months before she accepted me hehehe. with seven months of online communication, we finally met in person and clicked right there and then. When I came back to see her for the second time (five months after our first meeting) we got married. Now we are married for 5 1/2 years already. Love really can sail through ocean, isn’t it Mr. Ramana?
By the way, thanks for always dropping by and commenting..
Rummuser Reply:
February 6th, 2009 at 20:12
@joops, Brave? You have no idea what it felt like then! My son too met his wife of five plus years on the net. They are divorced now but remain great friends.
I enjoy visiting your blog and am only sorry that I am unable to comment on most of your posts. You make so many!
Friday, February 6th 2009 at 19:42 |
Interesting story, Ramana!
In 1972, I was stationed at the Great Lakes Naval Station in northeast Illinois for a training school. Karen was a volunteer at the United Services Organization (USO) in Milwaukee, a group that provides entertainment opportunities for people in the military. On my first visit there, workers were asking for volunteers to help decorate for a dance the USO was holding at the YWCA, so I decided to help out. Soon after I got to the YWCA, a girl in the balcony yelled down to me asking if she could “bum” a smoke from me. I tossed the pack up; she missed and cigarettes went all the floor. Rather than toss them again, I went into the balcony and helped decorate from there. We spent most of the weekend in each others company, though I did take her home from a night club that night and then went back to the hotel. We were on the phone most of the week, but couldn’t meet the next weekend because she was traveling to Arkansas for the wedding of her older sister, who was marrying an ex-sailor she had met in the USO in Milwaukee. Karen had a 1 hour layover in the Chicago bus station on her trip down to Arkansas — and I surprised her by going there and finding her in the station. While she was in Arkansas, she told her mother that she thought I was “the one.” Two weeks after we met, I asked her to marry me. Five weeks after that, we were married — and still are.
Oh, one more thing — Karen was NOT a smoker. That cigarette she smoked in the balcony was the only one I ever saw her smoke.
Mike´s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In and another new look
Rummuser Reply:
February 6th, 2009 at 20:09
@Mike, Love at first sight? More interesting than just my growing into it. Beautiful story Mike. Thanks for sharing that. Nice little touch that about the cigarette. Urmeela and I were both smokers, she quit and chewed tobacco for a while and gave up that too. I smoke on and off about five to six cigarettes a day. It is really on and off. I won’t smoke for months together, start off, smoke for a couple of months and quit again.
Mike Reply:
February 6th, 2009 at 21:04
@Rummuser, Love at first sight and love for life. Our friends told us it would never last. Our oldest daughter just recently married the guy she’s been with for 14 years. She’s 35. They’ve known each other since she was in third grade or about 8 years old. His mother lives 2 miles down the road from us. My daughter is the wage-earner (manager of the largest department in one of the main stores in a shopping mall) and her husband takes care of the home. They have no children and aren’t planning any.
Mike´s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In and another new look
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:26
@Mike, So, we have that in common too. Just about all well wishers saying that it would not last!
Friday, February 6th 2009 at 22:17 |
I love reading these stories. It’s interesting that you make note that there was no big romance involved in your relationship with Urmeela. But I “feel” a genuine deep love and caring (as well as respect) for her whenever you write about her. Maybe these things are more important that the temporary “head over heels” feeling that the onslaught of hormones brings upon people?
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:24
@teeni, I think that I should write another post about this subject about romance and love and how these words have come to mean different things to different people. Thank you for showing me the way!
Friday, February 6th 2009 at 23:25 |
Mine is quite a long story, and I’m not sure I can do it justice here. Suffice it to say, I had been a missionary in Taiwan, and felt that it was part of God’s plan for me to marry someone who also had been a missionary there. I wasn’t quite sure how to find that person, but I felt very strongly that this was what I was supposed to do.
One day I was watching “Oprah” and saw an interview about “How to marry a millionaire”. They said that if you want to marry a millionaire, you should hang out where the millionaires hang out. You should put yourself in positions to meet them. Well, I didn’t care about marrying a millionaire, but I thought these same principles would work for my goals.
I set several goals and started putting my plan in to action. I need to state at the start that all of these things were things that I wanted to do, regardless of whether or not I met my future husband while doing them. I knew that my best chance was attend Brigham Young University, where there were other returned missionaries. I next took Chinese classes, knowing that there would also be returned Taiwan missionaries attending those classes. I got a job teaching missionaries at the missionary training center, knowing that there would be other returned missionaries teaching there. I moved in to the BYU language housing where there were other returned missionaries. I met my husband in the language house two weeks after I moved in. I had met other people who fit the criteria, but our compatibility was immediately evident, and we hit it off right away. We were engaged 2 months after meeting, and married two months after that. We have been happily married for 22 years!
Delirious´s last blog post..Double Talk?
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:23
@Delirious, Wow! From Oprah to a Missionary Training center using the same formula! What a story. Congratulations.
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 02:18 |
Good for you, Delirious!
I met my husband shortly after I broke up with the charming romantic I had gone with my four years of college. Breaking up was hard for both of us, but it was clear marriage wouldn’t have worked. So I found my future husband in the High Energy Physics Laboratory at Stanford. I worked as a summer student right after graduation and my husband was working on his Ph.D. I was attracted to his sense of humor, his love of work and his complete disinterest in social status.
I still remember the first time I saw him. He was busy at work soldering a circuit for one of his experiments, and the sign in front of his desk showed an arrow pointing upwards and the words, “This way is up.” He would clearly be a good companion for weathering life’s inevitable storms. (No law of attraction here!)
Great topic, rummuser.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monk´s last blog post..Taking Delight in Little Things
Mike Reply:
February 7th, 2009 at 03:33
Jean – Ah, young romance – “soldering a circuit”
(and how very wonderful, too!)
Mike´s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In and another new look
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:17
@Mike, Exactly!
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:21
@Jean Browman–Cheerful Monk, One of the enduring images that Urmeela had about our courting days was my receiving her at the railway station in a full suit. She always jokes about it. It was a working day and I had taken some time off from a day of important meetings to receive her, and that is the compliment that I received.
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 04:11 |
I love hearing how people meet their true love. I must dig through the archives to see where my post on this topic is.
Grannymar´s last blog post..The Power of Love
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:16
@Grannymar, I bet that would be the mother of all posts on the subject. I look forward to it. Please do post it again in your blog, or if you would prefer, I shall be very happy to post it here as a guest post.
Grannymar Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:42
@Rummuser,
I found the link to the post it is in the form of an MP3 Podcast. I also have the text version in my computer should you have any problem.
http://www.grannymar.com/blog/2007/10/31/do-you-like-hallowe%E2%80%99en-podcast/
Grannymar´s last blog post..Food Monday ~ Celeriac and Almond Soup
Rummuser Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 17:29
@Grannymar, Most obliged if you could mail me the text version. Thanks. Shall write separately as well.
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 04:37 |
Mike,
A few years ago we took our daughter to see where we met and all sorts of wonderful memories came flooding back to me. Her reaction? “It’s even worse than I thought,” said she. She somehow missed the romance of the place.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monk´s last blog post..Paperwork Sucks
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:15
@Jean Browman–Cheerful Monk, This deseves the first prize for the best comment on this post. Children can be very funny without intending to be so. I can picture the scene at the lab!
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 04:45 |
I used to work with emotionally disturbed children in San Francisco. March 6, 1981 was THE worst day of my child care career (details unimportant here) and my roommate, who also worked at the same facility and I were going for coffee at a fine Berkeley coffee house after work before meeting up with another worker at our facility that I had eyes for.
She had a friend coming over later, but we were late for coffee and her friend was early, so we had dinner together. My eyes quickly switched focus! We have been together ever since.
The other two became Best Man and Maid of Honor at our wedding.
Conrad´s last blog post..Reasons Why College Students Aren’t Like the Rest of the World
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:13
@Conrad, Yes, I am not surprised that things took a different turn! Like my friend Raj says in his post, marriages are made in heaven!
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 06:46 |
I love this topic! It’s really fun to read everyone’s romantic stories! Here’s my contribution:
In 1981 I went to a Singles Event that was a Hat Party — you had to wear some kind of hat for free admission. A girlfriend and I raided her Mom’s closet and borrowed the latest fashion from her to wear. When we walked in, I spotted a guy wearing a most creative hat. It was a baseball hitter’s helmet, with fiber optics lit up coming out of the top of it. It made quite an impression on me since I love creativity! Half way through the evening, the same guy changed hats. The new one was a Disneyland mouse ears hat (the most common ones you see there), but he had added a third black mouse ear to the middle of the hat between the other two and the name embroided on the back was “OOPS”!! That was it — I had to get to know him better. A group of us went out to eat after the party and I made sure to be seated next to him. As we were leaving, he still hadn’t asked me for my phone number, so I gave him my business card. When we left, I told my girlfriend I hadn’t felt like this since high school — I had a crush on him! He wound up calling me the very next day . . . and the rest is history. We’ll celebrate our 25th anniversary on April 14th, 2009. btw, Jeff later told me no woman had ever given him her business card in his life, and that’s what impressed him about me! LOL
Linda Abbit´s last blog post..Funny Fridays: Because It’s Better to Laugh than to Cry!
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:12
@Linda Abbit, What a beautiful story! This should be good enough for a few generations of Abbits to chuckle over!
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 23:00 |
The key to why this post is appealing to me is that it happened in 1961! For those unfamiliar with the India of yesteryear, the power punch of this post may not be strong enough. Anyway, congrats and on a fatalistic note, your marriage HAS been really made in the heavens!
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:10
@Raj Krishnaswamy, Thank you.
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 23:09 |
I was not able to edit my previous comment successfully — dont know why. Anyway, what is impressive about this post is that you are talking about a wonderful thing that happened in 1961! For those that are not familiar with the Indian scene in those days, the article may not provide the real gusto that it truly gives. We could only see such things in the movies and fantasies!
Raj Krishnaswamy´s last blog post..Thermal spray cash flow
Sunday, February 8th 2009 at 05:24 |
Please tell us more about the Indian scene in 1961.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monk´s last blog post..Paperwork Sucks
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:09
@Jean Browman–Cheerful Monk, India then was not what it is today. There was a great deal of conservatism and dating, boys and girls meeting outside without chaperons etc were not just done. What Raj means by his comment I think refers to this aspect of the times. Yes, we were adventurous. We did things openly. A lot of hanky panky took place behind doors too! Anyway, let us see what Raj has to say about it.
Sunday, February 8th 2009 at 08:15 |
dear Ramana,
Your marriage story amazing. Perhaps I never and still havent meet my couple yet. But i see that Got meet our pair with a unique way and we never realize it.
niar´s last blog post..a Hope to Make a Better Place for People in Gaza
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:06
@niar, You have got a long way to go Niar. Your time and mate will come. Not to worry. You will also write a post on the subject then.
Monday, February 9th 2009 at 00:22 |
The story of how I met my husband has inspired these personal blog posts:
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/3/29/the-biggest-risk-ever.html
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/9/8/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up.html
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/2/18/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up-2.html
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/7/26/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up-3.html
Liara Covert´s last blog post..10 Ways stretch your capacities
Rummuser Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 23:05
@Liara Covert, That is an interesting series of posts on the institution of marriage. I would not have however called my marriage a risk, leave alone the biggest risk ever, as those days, marriages were not risky propositions for us. That they are now with increasing percentages landing up in divorces is a matter of concern for all of us older types.
Tuesday, February 10th 2009 at 18:44 |
rummuser, my intention in writing these posts was not to portray a belief that marriage is a risk. That is not my view. Rather, I aim to demonostrate that sometimes having faith in oneself can seem risky in the beginning, because people nuruture fear. Many people hesitate to do things they have not done before because they permit their imagination to concoct worst case scenarios. As you move beyond that and learn to trust your heart and soul, you will find that your experiences unfold in beautiful ways you would never have expected.
Liara Covert´s last blog post..7 Reasons you distract yourself
Rummuser Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 21:00
@Liara Covert, Actually, I think that such a belief is the correct one for present day marriages. It is a risk. The point that I was making was to highlight the changed value systems regarding the commitments made at the time of marriage and their sanctity. Almost all comments are from people withe long successful marriages. How many do we see now a days?
Wednesday, February 11th 2009 at 07:09 |
rummuser, as it happens, what a person chooses to perceive influences the examples he encounters and examples in our midst shape our view of what is real and possible. My grandparents were married 72 years, endured war, losing everything, forced migration, being refugees, and living on three different continents for work. Divorce was simply not in their vocabulary, even when health and other difficult situations arose. Many examples of enduring marriages can be found. What a person experiences in his own life is not necessarily determined solely by example, however, it has power to inspire.
Liara Covert´s last blog post..13 Illusions to shake up your awareness
Saturday, February 21st 2009 at 14:56 |
Readnig your blog I think differrent!
Saturday, February 21st 2009 at 20:45 |
Thanx veyr much! It’s a mega post!
Sunday, February 22nd 2009 at 18:27 |
You are so talant author, your blog is very great!