Managing Emotions.

Some blog posts take off into long discussions and sometimes the discussions wander off into a subject that is totally unrelated to the original subject of the blog post. It has happened to a few of my posts and I have seen this happen in other blog posts. The latest that I have come across is a blog post by Jean that innocuously started off with the topic “Interesting Challenge”. I urge my readers who do not visit Jean’s blog to visit this particular post and go through all the comments and Jean’s responses to get a feel for what is about to follow in this post.

There is a particular exchange between Bikehikebabe, Ursula, Mike, Evan and Cathy which discusses about how men do or do not discuss anything to do with emotions! This is my attempt at doing precisely that in the context of Jean’s post and its aftermath. I would also take exception to Evan’s assertion about the Dalai Lama, but that is for another blog post. This is about my understanding of my emotions and how I manage them.

I accept that I am emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve. I cry easily and do not hesitate to cry in public. If that is not being manly, so be it. I laugh loudly at anything that amuses me and can express my anger at the drop of a hat. I believe that all of us have both masculine and feminine aspects to our personalities and that both should be allowed to have free rein to express themselves. The Yin/Yang and the Ardhanarishwara principles.

The idea that one should suppress one’s emotions does not appeal to me. I think that emotions are natural phenomenon which should be allowed to be experienced and acted on. I try to separate myself from the emotions that crop up and examine and feel them when as they occur. I try and and create a path for them to happen but try and not let them derail me. I try to use the emotions like frustration and anger to propel myself into action of some sort. I have had deeply emotionally affecting events like death of loved ones and also uplifting moments and I have seen to it that they have not remained for long as mill wheels around my neck. I have been able to do this by managing focus.

I also believe that a strong value system and high self esteem allows for effective management of emotions as they arise.
I am blessed with both and also have enough concern to ensure that either or both do not cause harm to others.

And, no I don’t think that I am superman or anything like that. I believe that with proper training and understanding of oneself emotions can be managed.

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20 Responses to Managing Emotions.

  1. Sounds like the Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People to me!
    Cheerful Monk recently posted..Surprises

    • Rummuser says:

      You must have had me in mind when you wrote that CM! I still maintain, to you that is, I am not perfect, I simply am trying to articulate somethings about my beliefs, my life style, my values etc as and when something arises, You have been reading a lot of these things and have been regularly commenting and discussing with me. If you think that I fit in with your description, I am flattered and say, thank you.

      • Yes, it’s not about perfection. It’s about (1) keeping in tune with our values to put more joy and meaning into our everyday lives and (2) to give us a sense of direction so we don’t get completely lost when our lives get turned upside down.
        Cheerful Monk recently posted..Surprises

  2. Ursula says:

    Ramana, that discussions sometimes veer of the subject and take on a life of their own happens. It’s not always fine form. But so what? The most important (to me) that people talk to each other at all.

    I am probably not the best person to comment with regards to Jean’s post because she and I share little. Often I find her views (not least her rather detached responses) frustrating. Even what she wrote to you just now raises my hackles. If I hear (or rather read) that “stress hardy” quotation ONE more time I shall have to bite into one my pieces of driftwood to stifle yet another scream. Which proves that, like you, I do wear my heart on my sleeves. Not always a good thing. But there it is. On the other hand, and Jean took exception to that expression of mine, I am grown up enough to know when to keep the lid on and ‘control’ how much of what’s really going on inside (whether happy or sad).

    Cynthia’s remark I believe was merely an observation. Possibly premature since the men involved in discussion up to that point might not have had a chance to catch up. And I believe all three (that’s you, Mike and Evan) availed themselves very well. All of you honest, and Evan in his longer replies making some remarkable points.

    Trouble now is, see your first paragraph, I am not sure what are we discussing here? Emotions? Men and emotions? Hearts on sleeves? Women and emotions? The variables are endless.

    I commend your temperament. And believe me it’s more manly to cry than to just lock it all away somewhere. By the same token, a man’s anger (and I am not making excuses for your gender but testosterone is powerful, no doubt about it) is a sight to be in awe of, and beware of.

    What am I doing here? Going off topic?

    Ursula recently posted..Holes in the fabric

    • Rummuser says:

      No, you are not going off topic, you are provoking thought! To answer your other question regarding the first paragraph, this post is about how I manage my emotions, period and if in the discussion that follows it veers off and digresses, so be it and let us see where it takes us.

  3. Delirious says:

    I have never been a cryer. I think it’s because I was raised with boys. Boys are taught (maybe only subconsciously, but taught nonetheless) that crying is for babies, or girls. Growing up with 3 brothers (my sisters were much older, and married young) I learned that trait too. Sometimes if I watching a touching movie I might tear up, but I don’t cry about my problems.
    Delirious recently posted..Making Friends and Giving Hugs

  4. Maxi says:

    Amen, Rummy. You have done an excellent job with a touchy subject. I had not thought of a good value system and high self esteem as a tool to manage our emotions but it makes sense. Blessings ~ Maxi
    Maxi recently posted..How to Have Fun in Your Own Backyard

  5. tammy j says:

    my dad raised my brother and i to be stoic under any conditions.
    you did not cry. nor whine. even as small children.
    i don’t mean because he was a tyrant. as you know rummy ~ from reading the peanut and his own history ~ his was a hard life even as a little child ~ he had to be ‘the man.’ so i am not complaining.
    our mother was very warm and emotional and that probably is what drew him to her to in the first place. she softened the hard edges.
    now i am always embarrassed when i cry. but it’s just ingrained.
    i used to say i wished i were italian! they do everything with such abandon and gusto and wear their feelings whatever they may be . . .
    right out there for all to see and HEAR!!! delightful!
    i have the english restraint i’m afraid. all except my humour.
    when i think something’s funny (and i usually do) i laugh right out loud.
    it’s the best!
    and no doubt the healthiest. i think a man who can cry is a strong man in touch with his whole self. kudos to you.
    tammy j recently posted..tammy mitty and her balcony

    • Rummuser says:

      I know quite a few people here with similar upbringing and current behaviour styles. As, I had mentioned in my earlier post Self Help such conditioning is what makes people in later years to want to change.

  6. Mike says:

    Stoicism comes natural to me these days — and has for a long time. Being emotional publicly is hard, but, when it happens, I’m okay with it.

    As a child, I was quite the introvert, the kid whose parents were divorced at a time when divorce was NOT normal, the kid whose last name rhymed with a lot of different things. I learned early on that, for me, not responding to taunts was effective at limiting the bullying.
    For the most part, the kids that I was friends were much the same. I guess in later generations we’d be considered the nerds. (Jeez — a memory just flashed in my mind of playing spades in high school physics class. I only remember two of the other players, but the three of us, along with the physics teacher were certainly nerdy types.)

    The Navy just cemented the stoicism. Some sailors can be great pranksters, in many respects kids that haven’t quite grown up. At sea, they have a lot of time on their hands and, in the 70s, entertainment options were limited. So they’d pull stupid pranks on other sailors, typically newbies and, if they were able to get a rise out of them, it only got worse. I never responded and, as result, was seldom on the receiving end. I did go through a couple of somewhat humiliating and disgusting initiations, but didn’t fight it and didn’t complain, and managed to escape one submarine tradition that could be quite painful, not that I ever told anyone about it.

    I can be quite emotional and sentimental at the oddest circumstance. The most recent was watching the movie, “Lincoln,” near the end of the movie, when the House of Representatives passed the 13th Amendment of the Constitution clearing one more hurdle to abolishing slavery in the USA. Given the hundreds of hours I have spent on my civil war sesquicentennial blog, I got a little choked up. (That moment is still 2 years in the future for my blog.)
    Mike recently posted..Cough. Cough. Sneeze!

    • Ah yes – films – you can feel that lump growing in the throat. For me it’s the gathering crowd at the end of The Battle of Algiers – or the childen arriving over the hills to see the police van at the end of Whistle Down the Wind – in fact, let’s just move on quickly in case I start blubbing.
      blackwatertown recently posted..Self improvement: Where teachers fear to tread…

    • Rummuser says:

      I was not always as free with demonstrating my emotions as I am now Mike. There had been times in my younger years, where I too had to behave in a manner more or less like what you had experienced. It is much later in life, actually after retirement that I have been able to let my hair down as it were.

  7. Cathy in NZ says:

    Well, I’m one of the posters who got off-topic at Jean’s blog but I find I do that half the time with any blog…mostly because my values and where I happen to reside are in complete opposites to the rest of the respondents…

    I live in a very small country, all our country can fit into Colorado (USA) and we have less than 5million population. But I live in the city with the majority.

    Even my city is small & narrow and it is close to both Indian and Pacific Oceans so we put up with very interesting weather patterns…

    I am usually in a totally different season to others – it’s Summertime here and although we don’t have the fire problems of Australia we haven’t had any rain for January and it’s dry-as around here.

    So what is the conclusive issue I’m sprouting on about – nearly everything you write – I have an opposite view mainly because of the above 🙂
    Cathy in NZ recently posted..Shifting Dust: Two

  8. Looney says:

    My theory is that female emotions are completely different from male emotions, so that even if a male is emotional, the female won’t comprehend it.
    Looney recently posted..Richard Burton goes to Alexandria

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