Blame.

blame

1. Taxi driver: What a Municipal Corporation! Can’t even maintain roads, all corrupt fellows.
I: You did not see the pothole. You could have avoided it had you seen it.
The taxi driver takes off on another rant.
2. I: I am sorry that I put too much salt in the dish. You can balance it by adding it to some rice where I have deliberately not put any salt.
Guest: Never mind. You don’t have to blame yourself. Sometimes such mistakes happen.
I: No, I am responsible.
Guest: Okay be a masochist if you insist.
3. I: You have over billed me.
Shop keeper: Re checks the total and says “ Galti hogaya” (There has been a mistake.)
I: No, a mistake has not occurred, you have made a mistake.
Shop keeper: What is the difference? I am saying the same thing!
I give up.

I can go on and on with other examples. Our language has evolved to pass the blame on to other people or things or fate and we do not take responsibility for our mistakes and goof ups. We tend to use more of the passive verb form of communication than the active when our own actions are concerned.

Let me give two examples that my brother in law Raju used to illustrate the same phenomenon but to illustrate the need to take responsibility for our actions.

“Consider this excuse -“I can’t exercise today because I can’t find the time, my friend is in town and she is taking up all my time”.

Consider this one ” I can’t exercise today because it is not a priority for me. My friend is in town and I would rather spend it with her. It’s a conscious choice I am making”.

See the difference? In the first statement, you play the victim. In the second you are taking responsibility for your actions. You are choosing not to exercise, you know that it may not be the wisest choice but you are not laying the blame of the friend in town. It’s YOU who makes that choice. I know what I would do, I would go exercise anyway and I am quite sure either the friend will join me or entertain herself for that one hour. She is unlikely to think I am a bad friend or a bad hostess if she were a true friend.”

I try and avoid the blame game and mostly succeed. But even being very conscious of this phenomenon, sometimes, though rarely, I do catch myself blaming others or circumstances for my own lack of awareness.

Are you conscious of this phenomenon?

This topic was suggested by Maxi for the weekly Friday Loose Bloggers Consortium (LBC) where currently six of us write on the same topic every Friday. This is part of a series of Shakespeare titles that Maria had come up with.  I hope that you enjoy my contribution to that effort.  The five other bloggers who write regularly are, in alphabetical order,  AshokgaelikaaMaxi, and Shackman and The Old Fossil. Do drop in on their blogs and see what their take is on this week’s topic. Since some of them may post late, or not at all this week, do give some allowance for that too!

I am posting my contribution a day early as I leave early tomorrow morning on a vacation. I will be back next week in time to take up next week’s topic.

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28 Responses to Blame.

  1. As you know from the Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People, I’m a great believer in taking responsibility for my thoughts and actions:

    “They don’t judge themselves or others harshly when things go wrong. They focus on what they want, not on what they don’t want. ….

    They take responsibility for their mental programming, their emotions, and their actions. If they have ineffective ways of thinking and behaving, they evaluate them and make appropriate changes.”

    When we blame other people when things go wrong, we throw away our personal power. That’s not my style.
    Cheerful Monk recently posted..Modern Voting

    • And, that is a healthy way to live but very difficult till we change the very language we use. That was the thrust of the post.

      • Of course, by now that idea is very old. It will never become popular because most people don’t like to think. What they’re doing works just fine for them, at least compared to the work of thinking and changing themselves. After all, they’re “only human”. 😉
        Cheerful Monk recently posted..Nightly News

  2. Grannymar says:

    Enjoy your vacation!
    Grannymar recently posted..Thursday Special ~ Nine lives

  3. Anita says:

    Such a significant post. It raises a seemingly average issue, one that causes far more damage in the long run than one might anticipate.

  4. nick says:

    “When we blame other people when things go wrong, we throw away our personal power. ” Jean is right. I try not to blame people but to ask myself, If something has gone wrong here, how can I put it right? What can *I* do to improve the situation? Some sort of effective work-around is always better than blame.
    nick recently posted..Off message

  5. Maxi says:

    You have it exactly right, Rummy. It takes maturity to step up to the plate when it comes to accepting our choices.
    blessings ~ maxi
    Maxi recently posted..We Can’t See It But We Believe It

  6. shackman says:

    Yeah – sad that something so logical and practical should seem so foreign to so many
    shackman recently posted..Blame

  7. Mother says:

    I try to be straightforward in accepting responsibility. I do think that we have created a social system wherein it is more acceptable to say, “I’m busy with guests”, than, “I don’t wish to make the time.” There are those who would be hurt by too much honesty, I suppose.
    Mother recently posted..Being Me

  8. Ursula says:

    Unlike you and your immaculate readers I am not blemish free.

    I will blame if there is someone/something to blame. And I will accept, and take responsibility for, when I am to blame for something, when I have have messed up, when i have been cause for … whatever. Any other stance is disingenuous.

    U
    Ursula recently posted..In the chair

    • Far from being blemish free Ursula, I have mentioned in the post that I am fallible but try as consciously as possible not to be.

      • Ursula says:

        I know you are not blemish free, Ramana. That’s your beauty. However, we all have aspirations. God damn it, we’ll make a good cook out of Jean yet.

        U
        Ursula recently posted..In the chair

    • What does this have to do with blemishes? U, you fancy yourself a good cook, and presumably a good housekeeper. Do you think that makes you superior to people who aren’t? And, R, do you think you’re superior to the taxi driver who blames the municipality for the potholes? To me taking responsibility for my thoughts and my actions means I have a lot more options than if the situation is someone else’s fault. I’m not helpless — I have a lot more power. That works for me. Cooking and housework takes it on the chin because I’m not that interested. One size doesn’t fit all.
      Cheerful Monk recently posted..Nightly News

  9. bikehikebabe says:

    I’m guilty.

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