The last few posts have some how coincided with my reading of a book “Marriage and Violence” by Frances E. Dolan. Dolan takes a very scholarly look at the historical background to the institution of marriage and the equations between the two persons involved in the relationship. Somehow, at the end of the experience I just could not understand the various observations made by her on the very institution.
My own take on the institution by now must be quite apparent to my readers. I strongly believe in the institution and believe that one does not have to work at it to make it successful. One simply has to accept that it is a relationship entered into with open eyes and sanctified either by a religious rite or a civil contract. Once this fact is accepted, the question of who is the controlling factor in the relationship, about which Dolan elaborates in detail, becomes a meaningless exercise as, it would be obvious that both are equal and that when both are willing to treat the other as such, the relationship simply gets reinforced.
I had posted a photograph of the Tuckloo Club earlier today on the request of Tikno. Huseina and Abbas have been married for 54 years, Vimlu and Chandru celebrated their 50th anniversary, just two months ago. Urmeela and I celebrated our 40th anniversary earlier this month.
It is not as though we have not had our share of ups and downs. All three couples have had as many as is par for any married couple. We have survived. And successfully. We have not had any violence in our lives.
I also notice from most of the readers that visit this blog that there are many marriages among them that have lasted long periods of time, some going through the early stages of building successful families and so on and so forth. I do not see any violence anywhere here too.
I am unable to understand why marriages fail. Two years ago, our son and his wife of five years decided that they would rather be friends than husband and wife and have been divorced. I could not understand it then, though I accepted their decision, I do not understand it now and I do not think that I will ever be able to. I also observe that the incidence of divorce has been growing exponently in the last two decades in India, and I understand else where in the world too.
Is it that civilization has decided to redefine the institution of marriage? Am I just lucky? Is it just serendipity that my blog also gets people who perhaps do not understand marriage violence in marriage and divorce?