Six Husbands.


I came across this review in Facebook shared by my sister Padmini and having found it very interesting, am sharing here with my readers. Before I am asked whether I was all six, let me answer. no but, I was five of them.

The book, “The six husbands every wife should have” (by the way the book is written by a husband – Dr. Steven Craig) talks about how a husband has to constantly grow, evolve and renew himself at least six times, by the time he turns 60….For as people grow, their relationship and the relationship’s needs change…:) (The book’s premise is that women do it naturally as they become home-keepers and mothers and grandmothers.)
1st husband – At the time of marriage, the husband has to be fun, carefree, full of dreams and potential…The couple should make each other laugh and feel good about each other.
2nd husband – After a couple of years, the husband has to grow out of his carefree, fun and life-of-every-party ways. He needs to get established in his career and begin preparing for a family.
3rd husband – When the kids come, the husband has to learn patience, be home as much as possible, and scale down all his extracurricular activities.
4th husband – As children grow, the husband has to again reinvent himself and be more focused on kids – putting them first just as the wife does. The wife needs a ‘daddy’ more than a ‘honey’. The motto must be ‘family comes first’.
5th husband – This husband needs to help children become gradually independent; supporting them through their mistakes and growing-up pangs. He needs to be responsible and trustworthy.
6th husband – By the time children leave home, the wife becomes more confident and assertive. Now she doesn’t need a strong-but-silent man whom she can lean on – instead the husband has to become vulnerable and sensitive, who opens his heart to her and values her as an equal – leaning on her for strength at times.
The book brings to light that the very qualities a wife initially loves in her man are the very things that become a thorn in their marriage during later years – if the man doesn’t outgrow them.
For marriage is a lifelong relationship that must feed the family’s emotional needs as those needs change.
A life-partner has to continuously reinvent himself/ herself. It not only makes our marriage better, but also makes us better people – and our life more fuller.
Problems in marriage occur not because we are not good people – but because we don’t grow up.
How many men (and women) have the courage to grow, evolve and change as the dynamics of marriage and family change?

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16 Responses to Six Husbands.

  1. kylie says:

    All of that makes a lot of sense and I imagine that the timing of these changes is quite critical; too early and it’s a problem, too late and she might get tired of waiting

    • I was a husband for near forty years and think that I was successful in five of those. Due to pressures of corporate life I was not able to be one but my late wife was smart enough to understand and support me. I know many other cases where two or more types did not appear and the inevitable separation took place after the empty nest syndrome set in.

  2. How well did you do? I think that’s asking a lot of a fellow.

    I dated “husband #1” in college and was looking for someone more serious when I married Andy. I think both partners have to change as time goes on. We didn’t follow Craig’s script, but it turned out very well.

    • I have mentioned on the post itself that I was not one type of husband only. Due to pressures of corporate life I was not able to be one but my late wife was smart enough to understand and support me. I know many other cases where two or more types did not appear and the inevitable separation took place after the empty nest syndrome set in.

  3. Looney says:

    I remember a poor attempt at step #1, but don’t remember #2 and #3. #6 is the easiest. Just kick back and relax and jump when required.
    Looney recently posted..Country Roads

    • Go away! From all accounts you are all six. A case study must be made of your marriage. But the formula “Just kick back and relax and jump when required.” is fail proof.

  4. tammy j says:

    i don’t know about the stages of all 6 in my own 17 years of experience of course.
    but i genuinely liked him as well as loved him. and his humor was a major part of it. whatever the numerical stage of life as a husband… i think a healthy sense of humor is so important in life. it can often sustain you.
    sometimes a wry wit and sometimes simply a wonderful amusement at life itself.
    he had it. and i would have enjoyed growing old with him i think.
    tammy j recently posted..moving on old bean

    • You are bang on Tammy. A sense of humour is a great asset in all stages. From whatever I have learnt about your marriage through your blog posts and comments, I am sure that you would have indeed enjoyed growing old with him.

  5. This book doesn’t resonate with me because of his basic premise:

    The book’s premise is that women do it naturally as they become home-keepers and mothers and grandmothers.

    Not every woman fits that stereotype. Kaitlin especially comes to mind. She’s an impressive woman who maintains a great balance between family and career but is not a home-keeper and mother.

    I agree with tammy about the importance of humor. “The couple should make each other laugh and feel good about each other.” Why limit that to stage #1?

  6. Try again:

    Synchronicity: The New York Times is starting a new series:

    Because marriage is an ever-evolving experience, we constantly shift, change, love harder, love less and, in some cases, start over. In It’s No Secret, a new feature, The Times highlights couples who share thoughts about commitment and what they have learned about themselves and each other along the way.

    Today’s article is about Cokie and Seven Roberts. “She is an Emmy Award-winning broadcast journalist and author; he is a journalist, author and professor.” Reading series like this one is more my cup of tea than Craig’s book.
    Cheerful Monk recently posted..Three Quotes
    Cheerful Monk recently posted..Three Quotes

  7. I’d say there’ truth to that, but every marriage has different needs at different times – I don’t think they all run in that pattern. Still, important point about the need for growth.

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